Mea Culpa
I blame myself.
Because the story of Kaavya Viswanathan’s alleged plagiarism escaped my notice until recently, at least two potentially avoidable tragedies have occurred:
1. I was not, according to Google, the first to come up with the incredibly snarky Kaavya Emptor pun
2. This country’s AQI (Alibi Quality Index) has dipped to a new low
First, let me make sure I have this right. Kaavya Viswanathan is a 
good-looking, bright, nineteen year old Harvard sophomore, who published a novel, How Opal Mehta Got Kissed, Got Wild, and Got a Life that earned her a six figure advance and a two-book contract from Little, Brown. Staff from the Harvard Crimson, whose editors, I can only assume, assigned them to check out this chick-lit novel as some kind of hazing ritual, discovered that multiple passages from her novel were similar in style and content to passages from two of Megan McCafferty’s books, Sloppy Firsts and Second Helpings.
Then, after taking the time to think over that accusation, Ms Viswanathan responded, in writing, with this statement:
When I was in high school, I read and loved two wonderful novels by Megan McCafferty, Sloppy Firsts and Second Helpings, which spoke to me in a way few other books did. Recently, I was very surprised and upset to learn that there are similarities between some passages in my novel … and passages in these books. While the central stories of my book and hers are completely different, I wasn’t aware of how much I may have internalized Ms. McCafferty’s words. I am a huge fan of her work and can honestly say that any phrasing similarities between her works and mine were completely unintentional and unconscious. My publisher and I plan to revise my novel for future printings to eliminate any inappropriate similarities. I sincerely apologize to Megan McCafferty and to any who feel they have been misled by these unintentional errors on my part.
In a later interview, Ms Viswanathan elaborated, explaining that her “photographic memory” caused the unconscious internalization of those lines.
What Was She Thinking?
Clearly Ms Viswanathan has committed a serious error.
I mean, jeez, with all her Harvard smarts and, presumably, a flock of advisors affiliated with her publisher, her hot shot book packaging group, and her Ivy League university, the best excuse she can come up with (keep in mind that this was not an off the cuff remark but one she produced in a legible print format after some consideration) is this photographic memory/unconscious internalization crap? My son, whose academic aspiration consists, in toto, of staying eligible for track and whose chief advisors sweep floors part-time for minimum wage, manufactures better rationalizations on a daily basis.
She didn’t even need a great explanation. While a defendable alternative hypothesis
is always the gold standard, it is hardly essential. Does anybody out there remember that less than three months ago, The Vice President of these United States (who already had what could be most benignly termed an image problem) shot a guy in the face, then handled the press coverage in what everybody agreed was a suboptimal manner, and still came out loads better than Kaayva? Well, maybe that’s because Mr. Cheney at least didn’t insult his audience by saying something like “I plan to revise my strategy for future hunts to eliminate any inappropriate shootings of fellow hunters in the face. I sincerely apologize to any who feel they have been shot in the face as the result of unintentional errors on my part.”
Why didn’t anyone on Kaavya’s team say something on these lines?
Ya know, KV Baby, there may be some hicks out there who will whip themselves into a Schadenfreude-frenzy once they hear that a book-smart, 19 year old Harvard hottie is getting busted for ripping off part of her girlie novel that she sold for beaucoup bucks. Maybe, just maybe, bragging to them about your photographic memory and your admiration for another writer being so strong that you unconsciously internalized her exact words only to regurgitate them later in your own book isn’t the best way to go.
My contention is that, with better advice, the story could have been
How Kaavya Got Caught, Got The Joke, And Got Away With It
In that spirit, I belatedly offer
Kaavya’s New, Improved Responses
1. “Oh, You must want the other Kaavya Viswanathan.”
2. “I’m just a [sob] girl.”
3. “Of course, that stuff came from Megan’s books, but they were marked “Copyright” so I knew it was all right to copy from them.”
4. “It’s the silliest thing – they accidentally published my Comparative Lit paper instead of my novel. And they lost my footnotes too.”
5. “It isn’t like Megan invented those words herself. Every one of those words was used by somebody else before she wrote her books. Why isn’t anyone accusing her of plagiarism?”
6. “I’d be happy to explain but for reasons of national security, I cannot.”
7. “That bitch, McCafferty, must have read my book, then found a time machine, and … ”
8. “These passages were obviously a cry for help. Thankfully, they were heard, and I will be admitting myself to rehab today in the hope that my example will help others to take this step.”
9. “I didn’t get those passages from her books. I got those passages from the same voices in my head that told me to bring a gun to this interview.”
10. “Look over there – It’s Halley’s Comet.”
11. “I just awoke from a six year coma and discovered that my evil twin, Yvette Viswanathan, had written this book under my name.”
12. “My entire novel is written in code that spells out the secret source of all evil in the universe. Can I help it if the code happens to duplicate something Ms McCafferty wrote? Maybe she was writing in the same code.”
13. “The last thing I remember is that my drink tasted odd and I was feeling dizzy.”
14. “I don’t know if the Harvard Crimson is making these accusations because I’m an Indian or because I’m a woman.”
15. “Why are we even talking about my silly little book when there are babies dying in India?”
16. “My book contains no pornography or gratuitous violence, but do I get any credit for that? Noooooo.”
17. “I feel a seizure coming on.”
18. “At least I didn’t shoot anybody in the face.”
On The Other Hand
Just in case the original Kaavya Defense turns out to be successful,
I am preemptively noting that I have read and loved many wonderful pieces by many wonderful authors, all of which spoke to me in a way few others did. I may, at some future time, be very surprised and upset to learn that there are similarities between some passages in my postings and passages in these pieces. I will not have been aware of how much I may have internalized others’ words and can honestly say that any phrasing similarities between these works and mine will have been completely unintentional and unconscious. I sincerely apologize to any authors that may discover these similarities (especially if they make unnecessarily harsh accusations) and to any who then feel (regardless of how mistaken they will be) they have been misled by these unintentional errors on my part.
[Updated: Suspicions Raised That Many Passages From Opal Mehta Were Written By Kaavya Viswanathan]
