The Search For Nude School Teachers
Newbie blogger that I am, I treasure each and every viewer, regardless of the route through which he or she arrived at the perpetual gala that is the Heck Of A Guy Blog. I do, however, have a special place in my heart for the cyber-pilgrim who, according to the web site statistical trackers, entered the terms, “nude” and “school teachers,” into a search engine,1 wiped the drool from his or her frothing lips, clicked on “Go,” and landed, of all places, here at http://www.heckofaguy.com/blog.
Now, I’m willing to stipulate that this specific hit was probably a fluke. It seems unlikely that HeckOfAGuy.com has garnered a reputation as, say,
The Epicenter Of Nude! Nude! Nude! School Teachers
Not that there would be anything wrong with that.
And, as it turns out, the Heck Of A Guy archives do contain three posts with nude references and several more featuring variations of school teachers. Sadly, at least for our meandering visitor, the set of all nude posts and the set of all school teachers posts do not intersect (see diagram).
The Heck Of A Guy Pornucopia
Nonetheless, the Heck Of A Guy Blog is no stranger to the sexually tinged aphorism, the quasi-kinky innuendo, or the double, yea even the triple, entendre. The careful reader (and you know who you are) will find, for example, the following erotica embedded in the indicated pposts:
- An oral sex pun (& Paris Hilton)
Random Observations From Vacation
- Photos of frontal (& backal) nudity
Play It Again, Sam: Another Look At The Glaucoma Hymn Site
- S&M techniques (with illustrations)
How The Optimal Sub Avoids Suboptimal Safe Words
- Irreverent (albeit angelic) T&A insinuation
Angelic T&A — Not
- Sexual allusions in wedding toast
Mother Of The Bride Wedding Toast
- All manner of politically correct sexual perversity
Gay Games Rowing Approved; Moral Issues Eschewed
Crystal Lake To Permit “Whatever Floats Your Boat” Rowing Event
The Pop Culture Canary Just Swooned: Pig-Kissing Principals
This event does raise an interesting point. While I suspect that my desire to increase my readership doesn’t match this searcher’s lust for – well, let’s leave it at lust, I certainly do get a rush when the hits counter perks upward, and if there is a market for nude school teachers, perhaps it’s not only a marketing opportunity but my civic obligation as a citizen of the blogosphere to meet those needs.
Send me your tired,
your huddled masses yearning to gaze on naked educators
Pretty stirring, eh?
A New Direction
Perhaps the Heck Of A Guy Blog could become a sophisticatedly risqué destination for those with refined tastes of a certain sort.
I’m envisioning a target audience consisting of those who get off not only on nude school teachers but are also turned on by serial love stories, car rental advice, selections from eclectic readings, the Glaucoma Hymn, elevator hacks, the NCAA Basketball Tournament, my mother’s tchotchkes, all varieties of squid, and recipes requiring dishwashers.
Well, the Heck Of A Guy Blog has never suffered from hyperfocus. Actually, it sounds like a heck of a demographic, and, as I review that list, I have to wonder, who wouldn’t enjoy each and every one of those categories?
The Action Plan
Maybe I should start by adding a new category for Nude School Teacher posts — and finding a marketing consultant or two.
Hmmm. Does that scan?
Nude! Nude! Nude! School Teachers!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Marketing Consultants!
Oh Yeah, that’s good.2
I do know a lot of school teachers (note to self: Do medical school faculty count?). Heck, I’ve seen some of ‘em nude …
- While the statistical analysis inexplicably lacks this data, I suspect that these words were typed using only one hand [↩]
- Come to think of it, there are precious few professions that don’t fit in that paradigm (although none so well as “school teachers”):
Nude! Nude! Nude! Nurses!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Department Store Clerks!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Police Officers!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Strippers!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Bloggers Living On Farms Who Fiddle With Locomotives!
I guess there are some that work less well:
Nude! Nude! Nude! Software Vendors!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Psychiatrists!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Any Of My Relatives! [↩]