How to Open Beer Bottles
For as-always obscure reasons, competing methods of opening beer bottles without an implement specifically designed for the purpose have hit the internet, and especially the blogs, in a big way over the past week. Regardless of the causes, this info comes our way just in time for the beer-worthy Fourth of July festivities.
Disqualifying Implements
Clearly, the opener shown in the opening graphic would be out of bounds, as would be all designated bottle openers,
whether plain
or fancy
While less obvious, belt buckle openers should also be disallowed, but I’m inclined to cut them some slack, given the compensatory and altogether delightful titillation of watching, depending on ones gender preferences, a cowgirl or cowboy1 poke a beer bottle at her or his nether regions and give it a twist and flip.
And I’m inclined to cut this number a lot of slack. Heck, this may be the mainstay for this year’s Heck Of A Guy Christmas/Chanukah/Winter Solstice gift list.
The Real Thing
Today’s theme, however, is the means by which one can open a beer bottle with something other than a designated bottle opener. One could use, say, a substantial hunting knife.
The index case of this epidemic appears to be opening one beer bottle with another. Discussing this strategy and its competitors is a poor substitute for seeing them performed, so I have some web site recommendations from the many, many, many such pages to be found on the net.
- YouTube video of opening a beer bottle with another beer bottle
- Photo depiction of opening bottle with car door
- German blog devoted to techniques of opening beer bottles
Bonus: Beer Mountains
What, one might rhetorically ask – should one be capable of rhetorical queries after consuming large quantities of beer, is to be done with the empty vessels that are the inevitable residual of consuming large quantities of beer? Well, one possibility is the construction of a beer mountain, as illustrated below.
Tactics for constructing such a structure are presented in excruciating detail at beer mountaineering.
Footnotes
- Dual purpose belt buckles that, as well as hold up ones pants, also open bottles, proclaim ones loyalty to a favored state or liquor, secure cash in a clip, etc. have been, in my experience, primarily sold as western gear↩
