Heck Of A Guy

This is — D’uh — the continuation of an earlier post, Urbane Skills: Signs You May Be Kinky (Part I)

And indeed,

You May Be Kinky If …

1. When listening to a debate about the concept of a victimless crime in the arrest of a prostitute, you ask the rhetorical question, “Whom was she hurting?
   … and how much extra did they have to pay?”




2. Nothing embarrasses you any more – which takes the fun out of a number of activities.



3. When you heard teenaged girls debating whether John or Paul was the cute one, you assumed they meant RuPaul.




4. Before the wedding, your fiancé wanted to register at Marshall Fields; you wanted to register at American Hide and Leather




5. You automatically decline offers of a threesome unless at least one of those involved is a transgender or another species or both




6. You knew your high school English reading assignment, Of Human Bondage, was too good to be true but you were miiffed about the misleading title anyway.




7. You’ve always thought that the line, ” Baby, I’m the bottom you’re the top” from Cole Porter’s Anything Goes was just another couple getting things organized for a session.




8. You and your kids argue over whose toys have priority for the last pack of batteries.




9. Your favorite homophones are “whacks” and “wax,” both of which sound interesting.




10. You spent $7.50 for a ticket and 20 minutes staring in disbelief at a theater screen only to learn that the movie, O, referenced “O” as in “Othello,” not “O” as in “The Story of O.”




11. You were genuinely puzzled that “9 1/2 Weeks” did not win the Oscar for Best Picture.




12. You become disproportionately excited about the arrival of the new ACE Hardware catalog




13. You were fascinated to discover that, according to your Word of the Day vocabulary builder, the word “excruciating” has a form, “excruciate,” that can be used as a verb, providing a much needed alternative for “torment” and “torture.”




14. You own His and Hers towels, His and Hers bowling shirts, and His and Hers stiletto pumps.




15. Velcro and vinyl are featured in a surprisingly high poporation of your wardrobe.




16. You’ve always considered “sticks & stones may break your bones” an acceptable risk.




17. When told, “This is going to hurt me more than it’s going to hurt you,” you feel cheated.

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