And it’s a journey the Heck Of A Guy blog has made this morning.
Bling Denture
The magic of the internet has made obtaining bejeweled chompers easier than ever.
Why?
And why might one want to adorn ones oral cavity thusly?
The standard answer is, of course, that grills (AKA grillz; 
removable mouthpieces featuring embedded precious metals, including gold, silver, and platinum caps , and precious or semi-precious gems, preferably diamonds) are essential accoutrements for those hoping to qualify as hip-hop fashionista followers in good standing.
Nor is this a new trend. These implements have been flashing from the mouths of rappers since the 1980s. Remember Flavor Fave’s solid gold mother on VH1?
Master P, Snoop Dogg, and Kelis, among other notables, sport grillz. Nelly, in fact, had a song about grillz, imaginatively named, Grillz, that was a hit in 2005.
As one might guess, however, DrHGuy has an alternative response to the question of Why grillz?
Because,
Donning grillz immediately & completely renders flaws in ones appearance invisible.
I believe — and I think you’ll agree with me on this — no one is going to notice your ever-increasing pudginess, shabby clothes, senile-onset acne, mismatched shoes, or other personal presentation liabilities, including improper grammar, rampant dementia, grand mal seizures, or Tourette’s Syndrome, if you show up sporting a big ol’ mouthful of shiny.
This model, by the way, is on sale today for $2550 (marked down from $2990) at East Coast West Coast Design, which features an unmatched collection of tooth accoutrements featuring gold, diamonds, CZs, and such.
For a brief, (especially) shining moment, one could complement his or her spinning hubcaps with spinning discs implanted in one teeth. Sadly, East Coast West Coast Design apparently no longer sells teeth spinners. I was, however, able to procure this ad from those golden (diamond?) days.
What’s that? You love the look but don’t know if you’re ready to invest a few thousand bucks and undergo dental surgery? Well, Uncle DrHGuy has the answer. As it turns out, the wimp to pimp transition can be relatively painless, both physiologically and fiscally.
Imagine, if you can, this edifice in your orifice.
Pretty darn impressive, eh?
That specific model is a “Top & Bottom Grillz Combo” with “Fifty Four Points Of Ice” that one adjusts to fit over ones own, presumably less spectacular, teeth. The sparkle is provided by “The Best Of The Best Of Austrian Crystal.” All this for only $69.99.
There is a still cheaper method to obtain the grill look but it involves the use of aluminum foil.
The grillz shown and many others are offered by Iced Out Gear, a firm that also sells a slide-on tooth spinner that is a poor imitation of but substantially cheaper and more removable than the real thing.
Credit Due Department: The first photo in this post is “Custom Grillz,” by SeenyaRita via Flickr.
What’s that? You love the look but don’t know if you’re ready to invest a few thousand bucks and undergo dental surgery?
Well, I’m about to spend a few thousand bucks (and I mean that literally) on the boychild’s teeth, and it’s all going to be completely invisible!
I don’t even get any bling.
Unfair!