Turn, Turn, Turn, Turnaround
Ecclesiastics 3:1-8
(and, not incidentally, the basis of Pete Seeger’s “Turn, Turn, Turn”)
Inadvertently, the final verse of this passage was lost. Today, however, I am reconstituting the complete scripture. The previously missing Verse 9 reads,
Yesterday was a day for comforting music; today is a day for …
The official Dan Band1 publicity blurb begins with this version of creation:
Doncha feel like you know these guys already?
You may, of course, actually know these guys already, although they seem to be a well kept secret in these parts. Or, you may know them without knowing that you know them.
Ya know?
If you’ve seen the movie, “Old School,” you’ve seen The Dan Band. They were the tuxedo-clad ensemble belting out Bonnie Tyler’sTotal Eclipse of the Heart (the hitherto unknown explicit, adult version).
Or, if you’ve seen “Starsky and Hutch,” you’ve seen The Dan Band serenading a 13-year old girl at her bat mitzvah with a hilariously inappropriate cover of Roberta Flack’s Feel Like Making Love .2
If you haven’t been to the flicks or attended one of the The Dan Band shows, here’s the deal: Dan Finnerty is the Dan in The Dan Band.3 Throw in the two back-up singers, lean white guys wearing jackets, ties, and glasses purchased in the Junior Accountant section of Sears, whose synchronized motions mark them as cultural heirs of groups like The Pips (of Gladys Knight & The Pips fame) and you have the entire Dan Band.
The Dan Band gimmick is that these straight guys sing chick songs, with female gender-specific pronouns and predominate themes of women dealing with their own sexuality and with man trouble – also straight; i.e., Dan sings like the macho guy he is, wearing a trademark gas station attendant’s uniform and backwards facing baseball cap – and emotes to beat the (Dan) band. The trick is that he sings a playlist that includes I Am Woman , Genie in a Bottle, You Oughta Know, Kelis’s Milkshake, Total Eclipse Of The Heart, and medleys that mix tunes like the Wilsons’ Hold On, Suzanne Vega’s Luka, and my personal favorite, Muskrat Love.
The singing is augmented by precisely executed dance routines featuring dramatic spins, even more dramatic poses, countless twirls, lustful gyrations, and squeal-provoking shimmies. Whence the choreography? “I basically took my moves from all the ‘80s music videos I could steal,” Finnerty says. “The lamer it is, the funnier, it is.”
I checked; he’s right.
Profound Analysis Of The Dan Band
There are two ways to view The Dan Band:
1. The Dan Band’s act belongs in the same genre as minstrel shows performed in blackface or frat boys dressing in drag for karaoke night and is rife with misogyny, homophobic rage, and generic sleaze. For ease of reference, we will arbitrarily designate this interpretation as The Uptight, Stupid Point Of View
2. The Dan Band’s act is raucous, profane, irreverent, grin-provoking, happiness-inducing entertainment extravaganza. It’s a novelty act, and a dandy one. Let’s call this The One & Only Correct Point Of View.
Conclusion: If you don’t understand from this long-winded explication why The Dan Band is such hot stuff, you’ve probably read it correctly. Even the Dan-Man himself professes not to understand why his act receives such enthusiastic receptions. I guess it’s one of those You had to be here sort of things. So, …
On With The Show
Click here for [Embedded players for video files]
1. The Dan Band Site
Directions:
- Go to The Dan Band Site
- Click “Enter Site”
- Click “Extras”
- Click “Videos”
- The four numbers on the TV are video titles; just pass your mouse over them to see the listings. Choose your preferences from the list. #1 is Total Eclipse of the Heart, which appears to be their signature piece.
From Old School
From The Dan Band Bravo Special
[Total Eclipse Of The Heart at Youtube]
[Clips: Total Eclipse Of The Heart And Genie In A Bottle at Youtube]
Several other Dan Band pieces can be found on YouTube. Check this link:
[Dan Band Search At YouTube]
[Note: Use at your own risk. Several YouTube offerings tagged "The Dan Band" are actually emulous productions by individuals inspired by The Dan Band; too often, unfortunately, the end result is exactly what one would expect of a drunken college boy doing a karaoke version of an act which began as a drunken karaoke number.]
Yahoo
Go to
Yahoo Dan Band Videos on Yahoo
for this list of videos:
- Shoop
- Genie In A Bottle
- Total Eclipse
- Rock U Hard
- Yahoo! Music Exclusive Interview
Footnotes
- Not to be confused with Gary Sinise’s Lt. Dan Band which, in every sense of the phrase, a altogether different sort of beast ~back~
- An even more inappropriate and, not coincidentally, even funnier cover can be found in the severely underrated movie, “Drop Dead Gorgeous,” in which a hypocritically sanctimonious contestant in a teenage beauty contest performs, as her entry in the talent competition, the Mary Wells/Diana Rossw & The Supremes hit, My Guy, while dancing with a fake Jesus on a cross. ~back~
- He is also the husband of Kathy Najimy, who played Olive Massery on Veronica’s Closetand the voice of Peggy Hill on King of the Hill . ~back~
