Turn, Turn, Turn, Turnaround, Bright Eyes
Ecclesiastics 3:1-8 (and, not incidentally, the basis of Pete Seeger's "Turn, Turn, Turn")
I am invoking the Blogger’s Prerogative (i.e., My Blog, My Prerogative) to add a Verse 9 to this classic Old Testament passage:
A time to post about music that comforts,
and a time to post about music that makes you grin
Yesterday was a day for comforting music; today is a day for The Dan Band
The official Dan Band1 publicity blurb begins with this version of creation:
It all started with a drunken rendition of Helen Reddy’s “I Am Woman” one late night in a Toronto karaoke bar.
Doncha feel like you know these guys already?
You may, of course, actually know these guys already, although they seem to be a well kept secret in these parts. Or, you may know them without knowing that you know them.
Ya know?
If you’ve seen the movie, “Old School,” you’ve seen The Dan Band. They were the tuxedo-clad ensemble belting out the hitherto unknown explicit, adult version of Bonnie Tyler’s Total Eclipse of the Heart.
Or, if you’ve seen “Starsky and Hutch,” (the movie) you’ve seen The Dan Band serenading a 13-year old girl at her bat mitzvah with a hilariously inappropriate cover of Roberta Flack’s Feel Like Making Love .2
If you haven’t been to the flicks or attended one of the The Dan Band shows, here’s the deal: Dan Finnerty is the Dan in The Dan Band.3 Throw in the two back-up singers, lean white guys wearing jackets, ties, and glasses purchased in the Junior Accountant section of Sears, who execute synchronized dance moves that mark them as cultural heirs of groups like The Pips (of Gladys Knight & The Pips fame), and you have the entire Dan Band.
The Dan Band gimmick is straight guys singing chick songs with the original gender-specific pronouns and the original predominate themes of women dealing with their own sexuality and with man trouble all intact, i.e., Dan sings like the macho guy he is, wearing his trademark mechanic’s uniform and backwards facing baseball cap, and all the while emoting to beat the (Dan) band.
The typical playlist includes I Am Woman , Genie in a Bottle, You Oughta Know, Kelis’s Milkshake, Total Eclipse Of The Heart, and medleys that mix tunes like the Wilsons’ Hold On, Suzanne Vega’s Luka, and my personal favorite, Muskrat Love.
The singing is augmented by precisely executed dance routines featuring dramatic spins, even more dramatic poses, countless twirls, lustful gyrations, and squeal-provoking shimmies. Whence the choreography? “I basically took my moves from all the ‘80s music videos I could steal,” Finnerty says. “The lamer it is, the funnier, it is.”
I checked; he’s right.
In Depth Analysis Of The Dan Band
There are two ways to view The Dan Band:
1. The Dan Band’s act belongs in the same genre as minstrel shows performed in blackface or frat boys dressing in drag for karaoke night and is rife with misogyny, homophobic rage, and generic sleaze. For ease of reference, we will arbitrarily designate this interpretation as The Uptight, Stupid Point Of View
2. The Dan Band’s act is raucous, profane, irreverent, grin-provoking, happiness-inducing entertainment extravaganza. It’s a novelty act, and a dandy one. Let’s call this The One & Only Correct Point Of View.
Conclusion: If you don’t understand from this long-winded explication why The Dan Band is such hot stuff, you’ve probably read it correctly. Even the Dan-Man himself professes not to understand why his act receives such enthusiastic receptions. I guess it’s one of those You had to be here sort of things. So, …
On With The Show
Click here for embedded video players already loaded Dan Band hits and instructions for finding still more of their performances.
- Not to be confused with Gary Sinise’s Lt. Dan Band which is, in every sense of the phrase, an altogether different sort of beast [↩]
- On an almost related note an even more inappropriate and, not coincidentally, even funnier cover can be found in the severely underrated movie, “Drop Dead Gorgeous,” in which a hypocritically sanctimonious contestant in a teenage beauty contest performs, as her entry in the talent competition, the Mary Wells/Diana Ross & The Supremes hit, My Guy, while dancing with a Jesus mannequin on a cross. [↩]
- He is also the husband of Kathy Najimy, who played Olive Massery on Veronica’s Closet and the voice of Peggy Hill on King of the Hill . [↩]
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