Heck Of A Guy

The Discovery

While catching up on housekeeping during the recent involuntary internet intermission (see We Are Experiencing Technical Difficulties), I made certain observations that have led to a hypothesis that, in turn, could fundamentally alter knowledge theory and information science.

There apparently exists — steady yourselves — a universe, separate from but interlaced with our own, in which animate and inanimate objects reside and events take place even though no one blogs about them.

[Note:The vertigo you are now experiencing is the physiological analogue of your loss of intellectual equilibrium. This is a normal reaction. Sit quietly with your head between your own knees until the dizziness passes. If the disorientation persists more than an hour, contact a doctor; we recommend a Doctor of Philosophy (D.Phil) or a Doctor of Letters (D.Litt.), although a Doctor of Divinity (D.D.) may suffice in a pinch.]

For example, no one, as far as I can determine, has been blogging about the area beneath the sofa in my office, which was thoroughly cleaned less than three months ago. Yet, careful examination of that area this Saturday past revealed that a dime (Philadelphia Mint, 2003), a life-saver (butter rum), a New Yorker subscription card, and two paper clips had collected there. I am thus forced to conclude that the movement of these items to their current location occurred without official documentation in the blogosphere.

Who knows what else may have happened?

The discovery affects every element of human experience. Consider, for example, the gnostic implications. The Re-Revised CyberStandard translation of Hebrews 11:1 might well reflect this shift by modifying the King James version, “Faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things unseen,” to

A comparison of schematic versions of the classical Platonic conception² of knowledge and the revisions (marked with white boxes) necessary to bring it into compliance with these new findings is instructive.³

Heavy, eh?

There Is One Iitty-Bitty Potential Problem

Clearly, a concept of this significance cannot be hidden (i.e., kept unblogged), yet I am not unaware of the risk implicit in blogging, in effect, about the set of all unblogged objects and events. We are all cognizant⁴ that matter and antimatter (or parallel universes, for that matter) coming into contact must lead to the destruction of both categories.

So, if I’ve messed up on this, and we all become, literally, a null set once I push the “Publish” button, … I am sincerely sorry if any one or any group was offended.

Footnotes

1. Paraphrase and emphasis mine↩
2. From Wikipedia↩
3. While a discussion of the impact these changes would have on the world’s financial markets is beyond the scope of this post, the similarities in design of the models of knowledge and the MasterCharge card logo can hardly be coincidental.↩
4. At least those of us who took 8th grade science with Mr. Maupin and/or assiduously perused Superman and Superman-affiliated comic books are cognizant.↩

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