The Heck Of A Guy’s Image According To Google
Indexing, Ranking, and Searching Graphics
Picture This
The returning reader may recall a recent post, Lessons Learned Willy-Nilly From Milli Vanilli, which elaborated on the impressive impact on this site’s web stats that resulted from this picture, from a Heck Of A Guy post, appearing on the first page of results when one entered “Milli Vanilli” in Google’s Image Search:
In that post, I explained the long duration of this graphic’s popularity, persisting weeks after the file had been deleted from the web site, by pointing out that, while Google and the other search engines re-index the Heck Of A Guy text every day or two and important, fast changing sites on what seems an hourly basis, images are surveyed by a separate bot and re-indexing of graphics is accomplished at a more leisurely pace, perhaps as infrequently as every six months, according to some educated guesses.
Of course, the publication of this statement (which is, as far as I know, still accurate) was followed within days by the next Google re-indexing of those graphics, and no Heck Of A Guy files currently grace the “Milli Vanilli” Google Images search results.
The disjunction of the Google-arranged linkage between Heck Of A Guy and the Milli Vanilli publicity shot did not, however, put an end to the wacky interactions between Google Image search and the Heck Of A Guy blog.
Google, in fact, appears to be collecting images from 1heckofaguy.com more voraciously than ever and then cataloging and labeling those images with a hitherto unappreciated creative flair.
I first noticed the extent of Google’s embrace only a few days ago when I checked Google Image Search for a photo I recalled seeing in the results from searching for the terms, “Allan Truax.” I was stunned by a plethora of new images among the results that I recognized as originating from 1heckofaguy.com, none of which, by the way, were among those I used in the posts about Mr. Truax. (See discussion of the Truax graphics below)
A few more quick searches led to the discovery of other sets of results with an over-representation of Heck Of A Guy graphics. I also confirmed the un-indexing of the Milli Vanilli photo.
The relatively large increase in the number of Heck Of A Guy images that now appear on Google (and other search engines as well), the sometimes unfathomable cataloging of those images, and, especially, some unexpectedly high rankings (defined as “Appears on first page of search results) of certain photos has prompted me to post these observations and a few examples for the reader’s amusement.
It’s Just A “How About That” Sort Of Thing
I have only a rudimentary understanding of the methodology used by search engines to categorize, evaluate, and rank the text content of a web site. The criteria and mechanisms by which graphic files are chosen for indexing and the algorithms used to classify and label those graphics, however, are exponentially more mysterious to me and, as far as I can determine, to everyone else.
Consequently, there is no consistent theme I can discern or hypothesis I can impute from the graphics I’ve chosen for this post1 - other than the observation that internet image search engines are um, imperfect.
Other than whimsy, my guidelines for selecting graphics to include in this post were
- Snarky is preferable to non-snarky
- Pictures featuring people are preferable to those without people
- Photos with the potential for blackmail of, sleazy implications about, or at least embarrassment for people are preferable to more benign pictures
Illustrative Illustrations
While I could detect which graphics from the Heck Of A Guy site were indexed on Google by doing a site-specific search without any limiting parameters,2 ascertaining which search terms were associated with specific images required pursuing educated guesses with trial and error runs on Google.
Eliciting high rankings for graphics from a blog with a limited (but high-class) readership and few incoming links from reputable sites does call for quite specific search terms, but, to use an extreme example, seeing a mug shot of the irresistible Lawanda, costumed as a goatee-wearing construction worker, show up as #1 of 1400 results for “Teacher Lawanda,” #3 of 44,900 for “disguised teacher,” #5 of 60,200 for “disguise teacher” and #1 of 1370 results for “Lawanda Disguise.” is wonderfully gratifying.3 The caption is a nice bonus.
Because the post, The Quintessential Chocolate Vodka - Chocolodka, included illustrations and because “Chocolodka” is my own neologism, it is no surprise that entering that term in the Google Image Search engine brings up, almost exclusively, Heck Of A Guy graphics.
Entering the generic “Chocolate Vodka,” on the other hand pulls up over 1,000 graphics from many different web sites; the first page of those search results looks like this:
The image in the blue box is from the Heck Of A Guy Chocolodka post (using a graphic was the most efficient method for displaying the fancy-schmancy script).
Adding a word or two to “Chocolate Vodka” narrows the choices further. Should one enter “Chocolate Vodka science” or “Chocolate Vodka Kansas City,” the first two graphics found are these:
Yep, in that picture on the right are the often emulated but never duplicated Lawanda and Hippie With Tiara, who were indeed instrumental in preparing – and consuming – that night’s batch of the chocolate vodka elixir. This same photo, incidentally, is the second graphic on the second page of the search results for the more general “Chocolate Vodka.” And, if one enters “Melted Chocolate Vodka” in the Google Image Search, this portrait of our heroines holds the #1 ranking.
Pushing the (plain manila) envelope a tad, the seventh entry (top row, right column on first page) for “Kinky Science” is our very own Mr. Science:
[I suspect that the friends, family, and, especially, the children of Mr Science and Hippie With Tiara will view them in an entirely new light when it is known that these photos are associated, respectively, with "Kinky Science" and "Chocolate Vodka." The family and friends of the redoubtable but occasionally disreputable Lawanda will, I am convinced, find her portraits altogether typical.]
This graphic, which is from Crystal Lake To Permit “Whatever Floats Your Boat” Rowing Event (my report on the Gay Games Rowing match held on Crystal Lake) is #3 for “gay rowing.”
For “Crystal Lake Rowing,” the above graphic ranks is #5, and the following graphic from the same post is #6:
“Crystal Lake Homosexual” has our little blue rower as #2 and this diagram as #1:
Similar results derive from “Crystal Lake Closet,” ‘Crystal Lake Paradise,” “Crystal Lake drama,” “Crystal Lake Unitarian,” “Crystal Lake…” well, you get the idea.
“Helen video” generates a first page of nekkid ladies, stills labeled “Teaching Helen Keller How To Speak,” a few nondescript images, and this image from another Heck Of A Guy post.
“Dishwasher Salmon” (without the quotes) turns up 13,400 images, the first page of which features the Heck Of A Guy dishwasher and the Heck Of A Guy Prodigal:
The afore mentioned “Allan Truax” search that triggered this post featured a number of pictures from this site on the first several pages. Those Heck Of A Guy graphics are marked below with a blue box.
The full views of these three pages may be seen by clicking of the thumbnails below.
Finally, the wisdom of Google is evident in this Do It Yourself experiment. Simply enter these names, with or without the quotes, “Leonard Cohen Anjani Thomas DrHGuy” in the Google Images Search box. Hit enter. The #1 image result is
Hey, I just put the names in; Google/Fate/God does the rest.
Footnotes
- Admittedly, I could have selected other examples that might have provided some clue to image search engine theory, the statistical impact they could have on the blog, etc. Instead, I opted for pix that looked like more fun. So sue me. ~back~
- I.e., searching Google Images with “site:1heckofaguy.com” ~back~
- That photo of Lawanda in costume also appears after many, many pages in “nude schoolteachers” ~back~
