Heck Of A Guy

You’ll find a bit of heaven there
At old CYOKAMO

Camp CYOKAMO

When DrHGuy was a youngster,¹ a week of church camp at CYOKAMO² was a consistent feature of his summer schedule.

Located near Alba, Missouri,³ CYOKAMO was in those days little more than a collection of sheds, an expanse of soil only suitable for growing rocks, a muddy creek, and hordes of sweaty, obnoxious preadolescents. The gate pictured in the photo atop this post is a recent (i.e., sometime in the past 40 years) addition that would have been considered, in DrHGuy’s camp days, an affectation at best or, more likely, an impediment to the path to salvation.

Nowadays, in fact, Camp CYOKAMO features decent looking buildings and, if this excerpt from the brochure can be believed, two swimming pools:

Afternoons at camp have always been a great time to hit the pool. Camp CYOKAMO features two pools. The deeper and bigger of the pools offers diving boards while the smaller shallow pool is great for pool volleyball or just kicking back and wading in the nice cool water. You can also hang out by the pool on the deck that over looks it!

And, there’s more, including sand volleyball

and paintball.

This is our newest element at Camp CYOKAMO for 4th grade students and up. It’s some serious fun to be able to go out and conquer the coarse.⁴ Our friendly staff is there to make sure that each game is played safely and fairly. We have paintball markers (guns) and masks available for you to rent or you can bring your own. If you do bring your own, your Youth Leader will check these in at the office and you can pick them up each time you go out to play.

Two pools? Sand volleyball? Paintball?⁵ What’s next – Christian Karate?

Well, yes. According to the Southwest Association of Tournaments web site, Camp CYOKAMO is the site of Christian Karate Camp 2007,⁶ which is apparently affiliated with but not identical to the Karate for Christ World Championships held in Sevierville, Tennessee.⁷

And it goes on. The dorms, the chapel, and the cafeteria, believe it or not, are now air conditioned.

Going To The Chapel

Moreover, what goes on inside that air conditioned chapel is hardly recognizable to our former camper.

Chapel services were hearty fundamentalist fare when DrHGuy was in attendance. One preacher, for example, was known for his sermon examining the crucifixion of Christ, the climax of which was his presentation of a mallet and railroad spike along with the challenge to the audience for someone to drive the spike through his palms. Being good little Christian boys and girls, we only shuddered at the notion; DrHGuy suspects that this would be an altogether iffier proposition today with an audience of kids jaded to violence by years of watching it on TV and in the movies.

That last point, however, appears moot; judging from the brochure blurb, this type of sermon, let alone such a stunt, would hardly seem to fit the description of chapel services during the 2007 version of Camp CYOKAMO.

OK, DrHGuy is unsure if “Campfire devos” reference the band, Devo, a variation of “divas,” or a Christian alternative to s’mores, and he is aware that certain bands would view a crucifixion as little more than a warm-up act, but the chapel services herein described seem unlikely venues for hardcore hell, fire, and brimstone sermonizing.

Heck, “go deeper in your walk with Christ,” while a tad vague consequent to the mixed meatphor, sounds more like dating than proselytizing.

Well, CYOKAMO isn’t what it used to be⁸ – and it probably never was.

The Camp CYOKAMO Song

DrHGuy’s irreducible Camp CYOKAMO memory, however, is the camp song. In large part, the memory is irreducible because DrHGuy continues, to this day, to sing the Camp CYOKAMO song on occasions of Christian significance, moments of personal crisis, personal triumph, or both, when overcome by nostalgia, and generally whenever the spirit (Holy or otherwise) moves him.

The melody of the Camp CYOKAMO Song has also been appropriated for the 2006 Eighth Grade Graduation Farewell Ceremony Song at a nearby middle school and the Hilton Head Hymn, a dazzlingly clever and only moderately salacious anthem celebrating the annual vacation now impending for the families of DrHGuy, the Duke of Derm, and the Lord of Leisure.

Sadly, DrHGuy cannot discover whether the Camp CYOKAMO Song for which he serves as unofficial caretaker is still in use. Although emails with this query have been sent to several churches that promote CYOKAMO and to young adults that profess on their blogs to have attended CYOKAMO, none have responded.

So, to preserve this essential melodic hunk of Americana and DrHGuy’s personal history, the lyrics are printed below.

The Only Place On The Internet To Hear The Camp CYOKAMO Song ⁹

More exciting still, The Heck of a Guy Blog is proud to present a rendition of the Camp CYOKAMO Song by the Lady Lawanda Imbibition, Gaming, and Carnal Gymnastics Society Chorale.

Camp CYOKAMO Song

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The Camp CYOKAMO Song Lyrics

The finest Christian camp I know
Is old CYOKAMO,
You’ll feel the Christian glow
Right from the first hello.
You’ll find new faith and make new friends
At old CYOKAMO,
C-Y-O-K-A-M-O

You’ll sing and pray and read God’s word
Until at last you know
Your life will surely show
That you love Jesus so
You’ll find a bit of heaven there
At old CYOKAMO
C-Y-O-K-A-M-O

We’ll say goodbye to dream a while
Of old CYOKAMO
And all the joys we know
Like Heaven here below
God keep you till another day
At old CYOKAMO
C-Y-O-K-A-M-O

1. Then known simply as HGuy or, by the prescient, as Pre-MedHGuy↩
2. CYOKAMO is an acronym for Christian Youth Of Oklahoma, Kansas, and Missouri↩
3. Alba, a former mining town with a population of about 200, is best known as the home of the Boyer brothers, three of whom were high performing big league baseball players in the 50’s and 60’s: Cletis Boyer, third baseman for the Yankees; Ken Boyer, third baseman for the St Louis Cardinals; and Cloyd Boyer, pitcher for the Cardinals. Two other Boyer brothers made it to the minors.↩
4. “Coarse” initially appeared to be a typo for “course” but, on consideration, perhaps these modern refinements are a means to “conquer the coarse.”↩
5. And what’s this about a “friendly staff?”↩
6. Christian Karate Camp may well be an event only held on the camp grounds rather than a function of the Camp CYOKAMO organization.↩
7. DrHGuy eagerly awaits the onset of Christian Ultimate Fighting – which may not be long in coming. According to the Boston Herald, Quinton Jackson (AKA “Rampage” AKA “The guy that recently demolished Chuck Liddell” AKA “the ultimate fighting world champion”) describes himself as a born-again Christian whose primary role is that of “a man of God.”↩
8. There are some standards upheld. The list of items campers are forbidden to bring includes tobacco, drugs, or alcohol, undesirable language, fireworks, two-piece swimsuits, immodest clothing, and, to demonstrate the camp administration’s capacity for fantasy, non-Christian music.↩
9. At least as of 21 December 2009; 9:23 AM↩