Evidence Of Bipedality Discovered In Northern Illinois

Unretouched photograph taken during witnessed performance of bipedalism

Live Demonstration Met With Astonishment

Following the completion of today’s physical therapy session, DrHGuy, fulfilling his father’s oft expressed wish, is standing on his own two feet, his right leg now fully authorized to bear any load not exceeding one-half his body weight.¹

To cries of delight from his offspring,² DrHGuy has – within a single 10 minute period – stood on both feet without assistance of any sort, walked with only moderate support from the walker, and, as prescribed by the perpetually perky Physical Therapist,³ lifted his body toward the heavens by rising on the balls of his feet – not once, not twice, but a total of two sets of ten reps.

Implications

Since shuffling along behind a walker is markedly less onerous and significantly less disruptive to others than hopping madly about on one leg while using the walker as a portable set of parallel bars, DrHGuy is optimistic about the prospect of launching significantly more self-propelled expeditions, especially now that this advancement in locomotive mechanisms has obviated the need for the obsessive internal debate justifying the necessity of the trip and the extensive D-Day level logistical preparations that have marked each such journey over the past two months. He is especially excited about treks to the mens’ room, confident that journey’s end will find him assuming his proper place vis-a-vis the facilities.

And, of course, today’s steps bring DrHGuy within 3-4 weeks of the ultimate goal – mankind’s dream of unassisted solo ambulation.

1. Readers unaware of the events that led to DrHGuy’s need for physical therapy and his limited use of his right leg may wish to review these previous posts: Sick Call II, Sick Call III, Awaiting Weight-bearing – Still and Walkernastics [↩]
2. The referenced cheers may, admittedly, have been triggered not only by the Prodigal’s and the Mesomorph’s love and admiration of their paterfamilias but also by their anticipation of a diminishing role as papa’s surrogate legs [↩]
3. DrHGuy acknowledges that “perpetually perky Physical Therapist,” applied to female Physical Therapists at least, may be considered by some a redundancy [↩]