What Do Women Want?
A. Leonard Cohen
B. Iggy Pop
C. Profound conversations
D. All of the Above
Leonard Cohen gives this account of a case for which the correct answer was D – All of the Above:
We wrote a polite letter suggesting we meet sometime, both signed it and placed my telephone number under it.
The girl answered. Unfortunately, her only interest was in leading profound conversations.
Let’s see – two stars of contemporary music team up to meet the exacting criteria listed by a woman in a personal ad. In return, the woman offers – heavy duty chat.
Well, that does explain a lot about my own previous online dating experiences.
Nonetheless, every time I read Leonard’s story about him and Iggy working in tandem to pick up a girl I can’t help but smile – and again ponder how to convince Leonard to sign on as my wingman.
Within an hour of drafting the above portion of this post, I came across The D-Bag Questionnaire, which the author describes as “a list of 50 questions … for all the girls out there who may or may not be sure if the guy they’re dating is a douchebag.” Sample items include
- Do you talk to other girls just to make the girl you’re dating jealous?
- Do you own a pastel polo shirt?
- Do you have a personal stylist?
- Does your mom still buy your underwear and/or do your laundry?
- Do you regularly use the term MILF?
- Do you “pop your collar”?
Happily, I am free of all listed signs of douchebaggery1 – except I’ve now publicly attested to a recurrent fantasy of Leonard Cohen serving as my wingman, a hope which qualifies as a condemnatory answer to the spirit if not the letter of another query on the D-Bag Questionnaire, Do you have a “wingman”?
On consideration, however, I’m willing to take that risk, especially since, as noted, this is my sole bad mark on the 50 item D-Bag Questionnaire.2 While being labeled a douche bag can’t be a good thing, the potential upside of having Leonard Cohen as my wingman would seem to rival, at least in the short run, the benefits of having God as my co-pilot.
So, Leonard, any time you’re ready to suit up, …._____________________
- Heck, I’m not even sure how one pops ones collar, yet I am all but certain that I am innocent of this specific faux pas [↩]
- OK, there is a theoretical risk that I might, in certain relationships, have to answer “yes” to “Are you going to correct the spelling/grammar of my flirty emails to you?” but that would only be for your own good. [↩]