This is the third and final segment of an consideration of the Heck Of A Guy 10 Most Viewed Posts list.1
Take Away The Pseudo-Porn, The Graphics Linked To Google Image Search, The Leonard Cohen and Anjani Performances, And The Mizzou Fight Song, and What Do You Have?2
Those compiling a list of humbling activities are herewith advised to add to undertakings such as parenting, investing, and dating once past age 45, all of which, if executed conscientiously, carefully, and with self-awareness, are wonderfully effective means of demonstrating just how little influence one has on the course of events, the endeavor of blogging.
Armed with more than two years of experience in the blogosphere, a degree of shrewdness about marketing, a competitiveness honed in medical school,3 and even, I would argue, a modicum of writing talent, I was able to create, of the currently listed 10 most viewed posts on this site, exactly two entries that, as far as I can determine, have achieved that ranking predominantly because of original textual content I produced: The 2008 Leonard Cohen Field Guide (#6 at the time of this writing) and Mother Of The Bride Wedding Toast (currently #7).
And even in these two cases, the attribution of their ascension to the ranks of the most popular must be hedged with qualifiers such as “as far as I can determine” and “predominantly because of.”
The Cohen Bump
First, I want to make it clear that I am pleased with The 2008 Leonard Cohen Field Guide, which is the first chapter of A Leonard Cohen Primer, a simple, easy to understand introduction to Leonard Cohen for anyone who has recently tuned in to his music and for fans who may have listened to the songs for some time and now want to learn something about the singer-songwriter who produced them.
The referenced post introduces many of the individuals and locations that figure prominently in the contemporary life of Leonard Cohen.
“The Cohen Bump” is the designation I’ve bestowed on the automatic increase in readership that results when Heck Of A Guy publishes a post post in which Leonard Cohen plays a significant role.
I suspect, in fact, that a list of false data about Mr Cohen published under a title that made it clear that the content had nothing to do with Leonard Cohen beyond these fictions being attributed to him would also be Cohen-Bumped.
I suspect that because my post, 10 Unbelievable Secrets About Leonard Cohen met with precisely that fate. Heck, I published a well-received entry that featured the transient befuddlement of Leonard Cohen (and other stars) trying to find the well-hidden path from waiting room to the stage of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame induction ceremonies.
Leonard Cohen has been very, very good to my blog.
I Knew The Mother Of The Bride When She Used To Rock & Roll
That leaves Mother Of The Bride Wedding Toast, which is the toast I wrote on the occasion of the wedding of Lady Lawanda’s daughter in hopes of contributing a bit of the Heck Of A Guy essence to the nuptials4 with the addition of an explanatory introduction. An excerpt follows.
Yesterday’s Morning News featured an advice column that included recommendations for wedding toasts (e.g., “First I’d like to toast my favorite relatives: Uncles Jim, Jack, and Jamie-san, and how about a little shout-out [look at mom] for someone’s favorite El Capitan-o Jose Cuervo”). As is typically the case, there is little offered that can be used by the Mother Of The Bride to salute her daughter’s marriage. I, however, have some experience in this field and may be able to help.
The woman in my life was concerned about the toasts at her daughter’s impending marriage festivities. Naturally, my sense of gallantry compelled me to compose a thoughtful, celebratory Mother of the Bride Wedding Toast studded with significance and fraught with feeling. Although the bride and her mother seemed happy enough with my suggestion, the toast was, inexplicably and lamentably, never used. That wedding’s loss can now be your gain. I am now releasing the toast to the public domain. If it fits your situation, raise a glass and let ‘er rip.
As Mother of the Bride, I want to remind my daughter and her husband that, although today’s celebration is the culmination of much effort, prayer, and hope on your part and on the part of your friends and families, a wedding is a beginning, not a conclusion. On the occasion of your marriage, you may well wonder what your lives will look like twenty or thirty or forty years from now.
Let me read you what a wise man once wrote:
You can marry, pursue a career, and raise a family – and after your children are grown with families of their own, your life can be even more spectacular. When you’re mature, love can be more intense, romance can be more fulfilling, and, yes, sex can be incredibly better than when you’re a newlywed.
I know that this idea may sound too good to be true, but I’m here to tell you that it can indeed happen just that way. After all, I got married, I pursued a career, and I have kids who are now grown and starting families of their own – and sure enough, today I find love more intense, romance more fulfilling, and sex is not just better but altogether fabulous compared to my newlywed days. I’ve never been happier.
Now, I certainly can’t speak for your father about how he feels. But, who knows? If it’s been this incredibly wonderful since our divorce for my lover and me, then it’s at least possible that he and his girlfriend are more contented as well.
Another Day, Another Time
A future entry will address the implications of the specific posts that made the Most View Posts list and pathways that led to their ranking.
- The preceding posts in this sequence were The 10 Most Viewed Posts & How They Got There and 10 Most Viewed Posts Countdown Continues [↩]
- These are fairly accurate descriptions of the forces driving viewers to the eight posts of the 10 Most Viewed Posts list that were the focus of The 10 Most Viewed Posts & How They Got There and 10 Most Viewed Posts Countdown Continues, which may be somewhat discouraging to those of us who would prefer that the highest popularity rankings and their implicit approbation go to ones own literary efforts. On the other hand, taking the glass half full approach, one realizes the epitome of post popularity, bases on these facts, would feature the graphics of Leonard Cohen and Anjani performing a spectacularly lewd sexual act while while singing the University of Missouri Tigers fight song. [↩]
- Q:How many medical students does it take to install a light bulb? A: 3 – one to screw in the light bulb and two to stab him in the back [↩]
- Yes, I also bought a real wedding gift [↩]