Leonard Cohen World Tour Predictions For 2010

I’ve seen the future, baby

After touring most of 2008 and 2009, Leonard Cohen will undoubtedly revamp the concert structure to provide a fresh presentation for audiences in 2010.  For those fans eager for a preview of the new shows scheduled to begin in March 2010, DrHGuy has gotten in touch with his inner gypsy boy to offer these predictions about next year’s tour.

1. The cat will get a new hat

To symbolize his role as an international icon, Leonard Cohen will eschew the fedora that was the emblem of his 2008-2009 World Tour as well as the beret, newsboy cap, cowboy hat, etc. he has previously sported …

in favor of a fez.

2. Leonard Cohen will decide to mix it up in 2010 – now, at every third city, he will be coming there to fool you.

3. To appeal to the younger population – and show off his skills as a ventriloquist, Leonard Cohen will  begin using a hand puppet for song introductions and commentary.

4. Sharon Robinson and the Webb Sisters will go proactive; the 2010 version of the Leonard Cohen World Tour will feature the backup singers holding green glow sticks and throwing clothes, stethoscopes, and roses at the audience.

5. Leonard Cohen will increase his exposure to the public.

Finding he misses the give and take with the press and concerned about the potential loss of publicity for the Tour, Leonard Cohen will shift from refusing all interviews to seeking them out along with other promotional opportunities.  Consequently, during a five day period in June 2010, he will be the subject of articles published in the New York Times, Bolivia’s La Razon, Sports Illustrated,  Organic Gardening, and the Crystal Lake, Illinois Penny Shopper, lead the crowd in singing “Take Me Out To The Ball Game” during the 7th inning stretch of a Cubs game at Wrigley Field, appear on Good Morning Texarkana, serve as Grand Marshall of the Eureka Springs Arkansas Founders Day Parade, and preside as Head Judge of the Iowa State Fair Jams, Jellies, and Preserves competition.  He will also be designated guest blogger at Heck Of A Guy whenever DrHGuy is is on vacation.

6. Cohen’s hypnotism will become an official part of his concerts.

Leonard Cohen’s early interest in hypnotism¹ pays off in 2010 when he regularly appears during concert intermissions as Leonardo, The  Maestro of Melancholia and Mesmerism, to perform classic stage hypnosis routines, including the perennially crowd-pleasing stunt of inducing a volunteer from the audience to cluck like a chicken.

7. The skipping thing becomes passe; beginning in 2010, Cohen will enter and exit the stage on a unicycle – while juggling.

8. Backup angels reserves will be called to active duty

To please as many fan factions as possible, Leonard Cohen will bring Perla Batalla and Julie Christensen on tour as backup singers in 2010 – along with Sharon Robinson and the Webb Sisters – and Anjani, Jennifer Warnes, Laura Branigan, …

to form a backup choir of 27 angels.

9. Leonard Cohen will reject all offers to commemorate his 76th birthday, but will, at every concert, sing “Happy Birthday” and present a Baskin-Robbins certificate good for one double header cone with choice of sprinkles  to anyone else  with a birthday falling on that date.

1. “When Leonard Cohen was in his early teens, he developed a keen interest in hypnosis. After studying a 19th century book, he tested his skills on his family’s maid and succeeded in putting her into a trance. After which he took her clothes off. Then, in a panic, he desperately tried to wake her before his mum came home. Ancient wisdom, nakedness, sexual longing, angst, the imposition of will, the art of holding people spellbound – even if the story wasn’t true (and it is), it would have made a perfect allegory for Cohen’s musical output.” From Sylvie Simmons, Mojo Presents Leonard Cohen CD, quoted by Tom Sakic at A Thousand Kisses Deep. [↩]