And, You May Be A Leonard Cohen Fan If …
Since posting Warning Signs Of Leonard Cohen Fan Syndrome, a list of otherwise inexplicable behaviors that suggest one is a fan of Leonard Cohen, several emails, Facebook messages, and LeonardCohenForum posts have come to the attention of Heck Of A Guy on this matter. Some were confessions of exhibiting exactly the symptoms listed in that previous post, but others were descriptions of other, even more aberrant forms of conduct stemming from a common source – an admiration of and dedication to the Montreal Mensch, Mr. Leonard Cohen.
Consequently, Heck Of A Guy is offering a second set of signs indicating that you may be at high risk of being a full-fledged Leonard Cohen fan, all of which are based on the recent messages and LeonardCohenForum posts, older postings on LeonardCohenForum, or DrHGuy’s personal experiences (again, some details have been changed to protect the afflicted):
You may be a Leonard Cohen fan if …
- You and your spouse are planning to drive from Kentucky to Montreal (and have obtained your first passports) for no other reason than to see the Leonard Cohen artwork exhibition.1
- At your wedding, poems and songs by Leonard Cohen were performed during the ceremony and his music was featured at the reception, but you are still disappointed and regretful that your first dance was not to Leonard Cohen’s music – and that you weren’t marrying Leonard Cohen.
- When you realize that the cost of Cohen concert tickets plus the cost of transportation plus the cost of a hotel … exceeds your savings, you take the only reasonable course of action: you travel as cheaply as possible, you buy the best seats available, and after the show you spend the night riding mass transit around the city.
- When you notice, walking home from work, the New York Beacon Theatre marquee inscription: “Leonard Cohen – Sold Out: Tonight,” you take the only reasonable course of action: you drop your plans for the evening, hustle tickets you can’t afford from a scalper, and spend the evening with Leonard – and a few hundred other folks.2
- You send cash to a guy you’ve never met who lives 4,000 miles away because he has tickets to the Chicago show where he might be able to pick up for you the Unified Heart signet ring (mid-size, silver) you want that wasn’t on sale at the Cohen concert you attended. 3
- Your mother-daughter bonding is anchored by a shared set of lurid aspirations vis-a-vis Mr. Cohen, details of which you eagerly describe to others in the ticket-holder’s line for the Cohen concert.4
- You’ve given up your effort to find a loophole making Canadian poets eligible to become the United States Poet Laureate in favor of your campaign to have Leonard Cohen named Poet Laureate of the World.
- You are not only vexed that Cohen hasn’t made a guest appearance on The Simpsons5 but you are also disappointed that he never sang “Closing Time” with The Muppets, a tad miffed that he hasn’t been on the Daily Show, and genuinely perplexed why President Obama hasn’t appointed him to his Cabinet as Secretary Of Song.
- You’ve painstakingly cultivated and maintained a relationship with someone living in Canada solely so he will tape those CBC specials about Leonard Cohen that are only broadcast in that country.
- You have patiently explained to at least a dozen people, four of whom were 7 years old or younger, that it was John Cale who sang “Hallelujah” in the movie, “Shrek,” but it was Rufus Wainwright who sang it on the “Shrek” soundtrack CD, and, most importantly, it was Leonard Cohen – and certainly not Jeff Buckley, who does have a wonderful voice if one is into that sort of thing – who wrote “Hallelujah” and sings the definitive rendition of it.
- Every candle in your house, including those purchased for use when the power goes out and those you picked up for your child’s eighth birthday cake, is thin and green.
- Whenever your garbage includes flowers, you feel compelled to search through it.
And she shows you where to look
Among the garbage and the flowers
- You have been uncertain about one or more of those Heck Of A Guy posts featuring Leonard Cohen performing a seemingly unlikely activity because – well, if he wanted, Leonard could enter and exit the stage on a unicycle while juggling6
… and, he does know how to skate.7
- You do not find it ironic or counterintuitive that your fundamental beliefs about love, romance, and relationships are based on songs and poems written by someone given the nickname, “Poet Laureate Of Commitophobes.”8
- You vehemently dispute the claim that your entire music collection consists of songs sung by Leonard Cohen – because you also own two Leonard Cohen tribute albums.
- You find yourself carrying on entire conversations using only lyrics from Leonard Cohen songs.
- You are incapable of participating in any conversation lasting more than four minutes, regardless of the original purpose of the discussion, including being questioned by an officer of the Indiana State Police about your predilection for traveling at a velocity considerably in excess of the posted speed limit, without observing that
Leonard Cohen invited me to the soundcheck and backstage buffet before the October 29, 2009 Chicago Rosemont Theatre concert and to the Green Room get-together afterward.
- You view it as a sign of your growing maturity that once you’ve interjected that phrase you no longer automatically flash this photo:
… unless, of course, it’s absolutely necessary.
Update: See also Signs You May Be A Leonard Cohen Fan – Part 3
All You May Be A Leonard Cohen Fan If … entries
can be found at the You May Be A Leonard Cohen Fan If … Page
- Based on Rain from LeonardCohenForum [↩]
- See The Half-Sister Of Mercy, Leonard Cohen, & Me [↩]
- See How To Win Friends And Impress Strangers With A Little Help From Lorca & Leonard Cohen [↩]
- See The Half-Sister Of Mercy, Leonard Cohen, & Me [↩]
- See Warning Signs Of Leonard Cohen Fan Syndrome [↩]
- See Leonard Cohen World Tour Predictions For 2010 [↩]
- See Leonard Cohen World Tour ON ICE – New Marketing Strategy For Florida Shows [↩]
- See Leonard Cohen, AKA … – The Nicknames [↩]