The 2012 Leonard Cohen Tour Probability Meter

Update 26 March 2012: It’s Official – 2012 Leonard Cohen Old Ideas World Tour Schedule

New Rumors Inspire New Graphics

A plethora of murmurs and mutterings  relevant to the possibility of a 2012 Leonard Cohen tour are being bruited about and have been reported to Heck Of A Guy headquarters. As is often the case, however, each of these enticing clues was proffered on the condition that the source would remain absolutely anonymous, i.e., not only can no names be listed for attribution but also no specifics, such as the venue of a planned concert, which could identify any of the sources, can be disclosed.

Confronted with a bounty of information, almost none of which can be printed, DrHGuy has opted for the classic solution employed by newspapers, periodicals, and professional journals facing this conundrum of information encumbered by restrictions  – if one cannot display solid evidence, evidence a solid display.

As a result, the Heck Of A Guy 2012 Leonard Cohen Tour Investigation now sports a strikingly flashy graphic – capable of indicating ambiguous judgements to an infinite degree of false precision – to indicate the likelihood that Leonard Cohen will perform a series of concerts next year.

Given that description, it will not surprise the astute viewer that the 2012 Leonard Cohen Tour Probability Level System, represented by the image atop this post, bears a close resemblance to the Homeland Security Advisory System (HSAS), which was phased out on April 27, 2011. As one might expect, Heck Of A Guy was able to purchase this no longer used (OK, this never ever used by anyone) government program, including its secret algorithms, equipment, and procedures as well as the graphic design, cheap.

The 2012 Leonard Cohen Tour Probability Meter Reading Derivation Process

As depicted in the diagram below (click on image to enlarge), state of the art US government data-gathering techniques are now put to use monitoring communication traffic dealing with tour and concert planning, Leonard Cohen, Cohen’s band members, and related input.

This information is fed into a hard-wired system beneath the HOAG Headquarters & Cultural Epicenter of Durham, North Carolina, where it is granulated, correlated, and extrapolated before being merged into the Enhanced Core Data Stream.

The Enhanced Core Data Stream then undergoes complex mathematical analysis by a supercomputer housed in the closet of the HOAG Headquarters spare room.

Finally, a select team of experts extract the significant factors from the printouts in order to calculate the raw score for the various indices, the weighted aggregate of which is itself translated into the 2012 Leonard Cohen Tour Probability Meter setting.

The Current 2012 Leonard Cohen Tour Probability Meter Reading

As seen in today’s reading, the indicator is hovering at the top of the “Denied But Likely” portion of the scale. Further, trending analysis indicates that the needle may soon drift into the “High” probability area.

Think I’m kidding about this?

Stay tuned.