Category Archives: Bagatelles

The Leonard Cohen World Tour & Emotional Roller Coaster

Over the past week, Leonard Cohen’s admirers, already dizzy from following the World Tour as it has caravanned from the first concert on May 11, 2008 in Fredericton, NB, Canada, across Europe, Australia, New Zealand, Canada, and the United States, have endured a mood shift of a magnitude such that Cohen fans, collectively, now meet criteria for Bipolar Disorder.

Titles of  Heck Of A Guy posts during this period indicate the triggers for this emotional whirlwind:

• Sept 18, 2009:  Report Of Leonard Cohen Collapsing On Stage In Valencia
• Sept 21, 2009:  Leonard Cohen Celebrates 75th Birthday In Barcelona
• Sept 24, 2009: After 20 Years, Leonard Cohen Performs In Israel Today

The Well-Timed Hiatus

Yesterday’s Tel Aviv concert was the last performance for Cohen and crew until the swing through the US, the final leg of the Tour, begins October 17, 2009 in Ft Lauderdale, Florida.

Leonard Cohen, the backup singers, the band, the stage crew, and the support staff will, being professionals, relax and recreate to gather strength for the culminating series of  concerts, but how about the fans? What can they do to compensate during this time of profound Cohenemia?

The Cohen Fan’s Guide To Life Until The Tour Begins Again

Well, there may be no cure for love, but, happily, Heck Of A Guy has developed recommendations to alleviate the emptiness now threatening the Leonard Cohen fan.¹

1. Re-introduce yourself to family members who are not Cohen followers.  Photos of you taken prior to the start of the Tour may be helpful in establishing your identity. Don’t forget to check for children you or your spouse may have given birth to since May 11, 2008.
2. Explore unfamiliar parts of the internet. It turns out that not every Google and Twitter search includes the terms, “Leonard Cohen” and the internet now extends beyond  LeonardCohenFiles, LeonardCohenForum, Leonard Cohen, Leonard Cohen – I’m your Man, I’m Your Live Man, Maarten Massa, Speaking Cohen,  A Thousand Kisses Deep, LeonardCohenSearch, and Heck Of A Guy.²   And no fair going to the sites for Anjani, Sharon Robinson, The Webb Sisters, etc.
3. This is an ideal time to take care of those household and personal chores you’ve been putting because you had to deal with Ticketmaster or refresh that page at LeonardCohenForum to see if anyone has finally uploaded the set list from the Nimes concert yet.  Take a moment to survey the situation. Do you smell, for example, rotting garbage or smoke? If so, it may prove worthwhile to search out the sources and attend to them. Do you see any paychecks? Ask yourself, “Am I employed?” and, if so, “Have I gone to work lately?”
4. Talk about topics other than those associated with Leonard Cohen. Decreasing Cohen-content, however, should be accomplished in small increments. The false heroics of going cold turkey not only place one at risk for withdrawal syndrome (family members should be alert for early signs such as the moaning of “I Tried To Leave You”) but also creates excessive confusion among those with whom you converse. As a first effort, try doing without one or two of the more familiar phrases that may have grown oh, let’s say, less beloved by others (e.g., those that trigger in a loved one that unattractive progression of tics).  Likely candidates include “There’s a crack in everything; that’s how the light gets in,” “I ache in the places where I used to play, “born with the gift of a golden voice,” “tea and oranges,” and, if you write headlines for a newspaper, blog, or magazine, “Hallelujah.”  Also avoid variations built upon “First We Take ______, Then We Take _______.”  And, consider the possibility that “crack and anal sex” do not fit nearly as well into everyday conversations as you apparently think they do.
5. Listen to music not sung, written, or co-written by Leonard Cohen. Yes, I know, given the number of covers of Cohen’s songs, that eliminates a lot of your favorites.  Still, one can find the occasional tune written and performed by others that is perfectly pleasant.  I hear good things, for example, about these Beatles fellows.
6. Attend religious services.  Be aware, however, that  the setting, a performer on stage backed by musicians,  may resemble a Cohen concert sufficiently to evoke inappropriate behavior. Many ministers, priests, rabbis, and other worship leaders may, for example, be taken aback if you videotape the performance. Even if you are Jewish, waving green glow-sticks during the service in emulation of the Tel Aviv concert is unlikely to delight the Cantor as much as it did Cohen. And automatically adding to the benediction blessings, “Don’t catch a summer cold” will cause some puzzlement among the congregation.

And don’t worry – even if you are Cohen-abstinent for a couple of weeks, you’ll still recognize him. He’ll be the one with the golden voice thing.

1. I may be suffering from Cohenemia myself. How else to explain that I  nearly wrote “average Leonard Cohen fan,” despite the overwhelming evidence that all Cohen fans are notably above average in demeanor, profundity of thought, love of humanity, personal grooming, sublimity of soul, and, of course, attractiveness? [↩]
2. Rumor has it, in fact, that, at some time in its storied past, Heck Of A Guy published posts that did not mention Leonard Cohen or Anjani. [↩]