The Medical Specialties Witticism
DrHGuy first heard this while in medical school. It is also the only joke DrHGuy recalls from medical school that doesn’t feature a cadaver.
The Medical Specialties
-
Internist: A doctor who knows everything but does nothing.
Surgeon: A doctor who knows nothing but does everything.
Psychiatrist: A doctor who knows nothing and does nothing.
Pathologist: A doctor who knows everything and does everything — but too late.
Possibly Related Posts:
What The Buck?
I rarely make or receive phone calls, and 90% of those I do make or receive last less than 1 minute. Rarer still these days are business-oriented phone calls, and rarest of all are business-oriented conference calls. Yet, such events do take place.
Yesterday morning , in defiance of the odds, I was 10 minutes into one such conference call, which was already exhibiting that fearsome combination of a professionally tedious obsession with detail, mind-numbingly slow pace, and marathon level stamina that presaged a prolonged, perhaps record-threatening siege that would suck away my time and ardor into the black hole that is home to Harpies of hopelessness, denizens of despair, and other ex-spouses, when I spied first one, then two, and finally a dozen or so deer, each adorned by a flourishing set of antlers, shambled through my back yard.
My telephoto lens-equipped, hot-shot camera was, of course, made for opportunities such as this, and was stowed within ten feet of where I was sitting. Unfortunately, that ten feet was vertical distance, requiring an ascension through the sturdy looking ceiling of one room and the equally substantial floor of another. Lacking Elijah’s chariot of fire or Captain Kirk’s “Beam Me Up, Scotty” transporter, I made the strategic shift to Plan B.
Executing Plan B required accessing my handy-dandy Canon PowerShot, which was, I knew, in a satchel a few – horizontal – yards away from where I was seated.
To envision the ensuing scene, think I Love Lucy meets Jackass.
The other folks on the conference call were not the sort who stop to smell the roses and it seemed unlikely that they would cheerfully put things on hold while I grabbed the camera to snap photos of deer. Nor could I (literally) afford to miss any of the conversation. 
Stretching the cord on the phone to which I was anchored to the maximum, I could come within two feet of the camera but no closer. After several failed attempts, I improvised a camera-grabber from my Gorillapod (my Christmas gift from the irreplaceable Lawanda) and finally hooked the strap on my satchel, pulled it within reach, and secured the camera.
Sporadically murmuring non-committal noises into the phone to signal my continued involvement in the call, I turned my gaze back to the window. During this time, the bucks had sauntered (these are self-assured deer who perceive no need to hurry; with a tad more dexterity, they would, I’m sure, have waved a paw my way in casual greeting) through the yard into the woods. I made a single, desperate, one-handed, pointed rather-than-aimed shot through a window ten feet away that was lucky enough to catch one of the medium sized bucks before he disappeared from view altogether.
According to several sources, including Social Behavior Of Whitetail Deer and White-tailed Deer, it’s typical for unrelated bucks to travel together in groups, especially this time of year. The group of 12+ I saw was, however, larger than the 4-5 members commonly found in such bachelor packs. And, the timing of their mid-morning ramble was unusual, given that deer, especially bucks, are preferentially nocturnal. Behaviors such as these, the same sources indicate, are more and more influenced by the impact of humans on such rural areas.
Although I can find no direct reference supporting the notion, one of the adaptations local deer have apparently made for survival in areas where their presence overlaps with humans is the development of an ability to detect when homeowners are rendered harmless by conference calls.
You saw it here first.
Possibly Related Posts:
Knit One, Purl Two, Flog Three
Were you thinking about knitting your sweetie a gift but worried that it would make you seem a bit too domestic or perhaps a tad fey? If so, how about knitting, for example, “a craft pattern for which you have to show over-18 ID as proof of legal age to knit?”
Does that sound more your style?
In the December 14, 2006 edition of SFGate.com (the San Francisco Chronicle site) Violet Blue’s Knitting for Adults Only reviews two knitting knitting books but focuses on Nikol Lohr’s Naughty Needles: Sexy, Saucy Knits for the Bedroom and Beyond, which is described as “one part knitting manual of style, and one part sex toy all by itself. Why a kinky knitting book? Because, according to Ms Lohr, “Knitting turns ‘cute’ into ‘dreamboat sexpot.’”
Ms Blue goes on,
Naughty Needles is available Dec 19, 2006 at Amazon and other fine stores everywhere. Naughty Needles Knitting has more information, including ” some dandy free bonus patterns that wouldn’t fit in the book (bunny suit, pony hood and a somewhat menacing bondage sweater you can knit without the scary hood for a slinky sweater-meat showcase).”
Possibly Related Posts:
Visitor Returns
I walked into the office, glanced out the window, and saw a buck, which I assume is the same one I found grazing on our lawn a month ago (see Interrupted By A Visitor), gazing back at me.
By the time I grabbed my camera, he had moseyed back into the woods. I did manage to catch about five seconds of him ambling away. While the light was too poor and the distance too great to show detail on this video file I uploaded, 1 the head movement does allow his rack to be seen.
Click on this link:
Footnotes
- A full-bodied AVI, far too large to upload, clearly shows the antlers and face ~back~
Possibly Related Posts:
7 AM Heck Of A House Weather Report
These scenes were selected because I (1) could see something through the darkness and falling snow and (2) didn’t have to venture outside the house.
Possibly Related Posts:
In Case You’re Unsure If You Live In Chicago, …
If … , You Live In Chicago
With her characteristically astute timing, Mrs Linklater posted last night, on the eve of an all too typical Chicago snowstorm, an assortment of Jeff Foxworthy’s trademark “If-Then” describers of those of us, redneck or not, who live in Chicago. A few of my favorites follow:
If you’ve worn shorts and a parka at the same time,
you live in Chicago.
If driving is better in the winter because the potholes are filled with snow,
you live in Chicago.
If you know all 4 seasons: almost winter, winter, still winter and road construction,
you live in Chicago.
The complete list can be viewed at Mrs. Linklater’s Email Snicker Or Two
Added Value For Heck Of A Guy Readers
I’m offering an addition to this category based an observation of Julie’s:
If you own 37 coats, none of which is right for that day’s weather,
you live in Chicago.
Possibly Related Posts:
Two Overachiever Puns
The So Bad It’s Kinda Funny Mahatma Gandhi Joke
Q: Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath.
This made him what?
A: A super callused fragile mystic plagued with halitosis.1
The Most Famous Punning Headline
The Back Page of the February 9, 2000 issue of “The Sun”2 featured this headline over the story about the Inverness Caledonian Thistle Football Club, a First Division football club nicknamed Caley Thistle, defeating the heavily favored Celtic Football Club in the Scottish Cup match at Celtic Park:
“SUPER CALEY GO BALLISTIC CELTIC ARE ATROCIOUS”
Footnotes
- While many of the web sites featuring this joke provide, for the edification of their visitors, the explanation of this pun, I’m going to take the risk of assuming that Heck Of A Guy readers will figure it out on their own ~back~
- The Sun, a daily newspaper published in the United Kingdom, has the highest circulation of any daily English-language newspaper in the world. ~back~
Possibly Related Posts:
Interrupted By A Visitor
I glanced up from cropping the house photo in the preceding post to discover a deer in our back yard. A deer sighting is hardly unusual but we don’t often host a visit that close to the house from a buck with a six point rack.
I grabbed my handy camera only to realize that its handy memory card was, at that moment, embedded in my handy laptop computer. By the time I snatched the flash card from the computer, crammed it into the camera, and checked for the deer, he had leisurely sauntered into the woods. Once outside the house, I went into my Daniel Boone imitation, but the closest I could get to the deer was 30 yards, well beyond my pocket camera’s optimum range. Despite the distance, the surrounding woods, and my rudimentary photography skills I was able to snap this photo, the graphic quality of which qualifies, if I say so myself, for a rating of “unacceptable - unless I’ve put a llot of time and effort into it already.”
If one thinks of this as one of those visual puzzles and squints with one eye while loosening the focus on the other, simultaneously clicking his or her heels together and repeating “I think I can, I think I can, I think I can, … ,” the deer is, I think, evident, but the rack is too well camouflaged by the brush to be discernible.
And folks wonder why I never get anything done.1
Footnotes
- Well, it’s at least theoretically possible that someone, somewhere might wonder why I never get anything done. ~back~
Possibly Related Posts:
First Sighting Of 2006 Outside Christmas Decorations, Home Category
Sighting Data
I first noticed this home with its Christmas regalia, located within a mile of Heck Of A House, two days ago1 but was past it before I could reach for my camera.
This site meets criteria to qualify as a Heck Of A Guy Certified Christmas Season Decoration Sighting, Home Category:
- The decorations are unequivocally Christmas-affiliated, consisting of a traditional garland over the front door, red bows on the front columns, and silver stars (more easily identified in the lower, close-up view) hanging from the porch. Also note the Christmas lights strung on the fence in the foreground of the top photo.
- The location is a private, single family residence
- The appearance of these decorations is seasonal, i.e., this display is not the artifact of 2005 decorations that were never removed
Since many retail locations have been bathed in Christmas splendor since mid-October, the Damning Of Christmas Commercialization celebration has already been in full swing for three weeks but now the Lamentations Of Premature Yuletide (AKA “What Happened To Thanksgiving?”) can now accelerate to maximum amplitude.
Footnotes
- This home is not on a route I ordinarily take so it’s possible these decorations were put on display as early as November 1. ~back~