Society Note: More Heck Of A House Visitors
Mr. Science and the Prodigal have gone for a walk.
Other than being modestly miffed that, after only two days, my friend has been more successful in persuading my son to join him for a stroll than I have been in the past two weeks, I am happy about the prospect of the Prodigal voluntarily spending some time in the company of an altogether admirable sort of adult.
In addition, their perambulation provides me the opportunity to publish my planned blog entry of the day (see The Good News Is That 80% Of The Time The Doctor Is Right) and to note that Mr. Science’s male offspring, Son of Science, and his wife of five months, Eager Teacher,1 proved delightful visitors to Heck Of A House last night.
I was, however, disconcerted to discover that not only is Eager Teacher, who just began her student teaching yesterday, truly eager to teach, but Son of Science, despite warnings and admonitions from his parents, both of whom recently retired from teaching, professes a wish to enter the field.
Mr. Science and I have spent the day attempting to determine where he went wrong as a father.
Footnotes
Possibly Related Posts:
Math Madness
[Note: "Math Madness" has no connection to "March Madness" other than both are Heck Of A Guy topics in March with alliterative titles that are, by happenstance, superficially similar. The management apologizes for any momentary confusion suffered by readers even though such misunderstandings would clearly not be this blog's responsibility.]
The Joy Of Teaching Math
New Breakthroughs in Mathematics is a set of 10 or so math solutions proposed by students that are based on excessively concrete interpretations of instructions or on puns. While none are astounding or hilarious, they are enjoyable amusements worth sharing - as well as a valuable confirmation of my wisdom in choosing a field other than teaching.
Two of my favorites follow (I especially like the teacher’s comment on the second example):
The entire set can be found at ~New Breakthroughs in Mathematics~
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Julie’s 1997 Christmas Newsletter
Someone should write an article about our wired family (wired in the sense of communication-ready rather than in the sense of easily-triggered, although, now that I think of it, that would apply too). Sam is already collecting Christmas Web sites which he visits daily. Allan and I e-mail each other from within the house because it’s the quickest way to get our messages through. I take some pride in having computerized our CD collection so that if you hear a song playing and wonder what it is, you can turn any TV in the house to channel 82 and see the album cover, title, and track playing. The fact that I’ve spent more time on this than any sane person would (thereby qualifying for both definitions of wired above) is beside the point. I have had he heady pleasure, experienced by few of the computer laity, of calling tech support and hearing the amazement in their voices: “You’re the end user?”
This year Allan formed a company which analyzes how people receive, process, and respond to medical information. He contacted three friends with different areas of interest from different parts of his past and brought them together into a partnership that is also, as one might expect, wired. In fact, Allan introduced all three and they began work on the project through e-mail. None of the others had met when they agreed to the partnership. There has since been perhaps a dozen phone calls and, a few months after work began, there was a single face-to-face meeting. Otherwise, ZZZZZ’s owners function entirely within a universe of e-mail addresses and encrypted files. Oh brave new world that has such people in it!
Only Max resists the computer revolution. He has, however, shown a recent interest in a shockwave bowling game on the internet. He will soon be one of us.
Are we happy we built our new house? Yes we are. As I write this, I look out my office window and see two boys exploring the woods. We’re all happier here. Unfortunately we have discovered that moving sixty miles north and west has not freed us from Illinois winters.
Does the house work for our family in the way we had hoped? Well, yes. Sort of. During the design process, we thought in terms of zones. What’s evolved would more accurately be described as territories.
Zoe, our 6-year old Westie, who is a fine pet in all ways but one, is confined to the kitchen by means of an interior invisible fence. Zoe’s tragic flaw is an uncontrollable bladder.
Guido, the geriatric cat (soon to be 18), shares my office. Our office, I should say. All Guido wants out of life these days is to sit in my lap. My writing posture is fairly awkward with a lapful of cat, but I try to accommodate him.
Sam’s room is now occupied by two new kittens. The boys have been begging for a kitten for years. We finally realized that “when Guido dies” wasn’t the optimal response. Tom and Huck are confined until they are old enough to be declawed and loosed on the good furniture.
Where, you might ask, is Sam’s territory with kittens in his room? Waking hours, he hangs out in the game room playing Nintendo and exploring the internet. Nights, he usually sleeps in the kitchen with Zoe (Would DCFS take him from us if we forced him to sleep on a cold tile floor with a dog?).
Evenings, Max has staked out a portion of the kitchen (the one room in the house never empty). The game room was planned for both boys. We purchased a combination computer and TV for them. We did not count on Sam declaring sole ownership. Max marks his territory by spreading his comforter in the floor and surrounding it with candy wrappers as he watches the kitchen TV. That the spot he has chosen blocks the walkway between the kitchen and the rest of the house bothers him not one whit. In fact, he likes the traffic. In an attempt to reclaim the kitchen, we have added a second TV to the game room. When you want a picture of over-indulged children, imagine the Showalter boys sitting side by side watching different video screens.
Allan and I spend our days in our offices. As mentioned above, I share mine with a cat. Allan shares his with his assistant, Jenna. Jenna joined Allan’s business and – by virtue of her office location – our family, last January. She’s been a blessed addition in both areas.
Allan continues as Medical Director of XXXXX (reorganized and renamed YYYYY this year). He sees patients two days a week. All this in addition to the new venture mentioned above. As near as I can tell, he keeps so many balls in the air by limiting his sleep time 2 to 3 hours a night.
I continue to write. My major success in the past year was having a story accepted by a commercial magazine which went out of business the issue before the one in which my story was to have appeared (maybe it wasn’t that commercial after all). I have achieved an odd sort of fame. “This American Life,” a nationally-syndicated public radio show, has been using a clip from one of the stories I recorded for them in their advertising. Several times weekly, on radio stations all over the country, my voice can be heard saying, “It took eight hours to round up the 6,000 turkeys.” When people find out I’m the Turkey Lady they’re very impressed.
Another item on the brave new world front: Allan has set up a Showalter Family Holiday web site. If you want more pictures of the kids, want to read previous years’ Christmas letters (this is an archiving service the world needed), see Sam’s favorite comics, or view Max’s origami projects, go to _____________ .
Recently we drove by Max’s school and Allan asked, “What kind of place is that?” Max’s answer: “A good place. A place with a lot of friends.” This is what we wish for all of you, that you spend your holidays and the coming year in a good place with a lot of friends.
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Google’s Education Station
Teachers are overrepresented in the Heck Of A Guy blog audience1 so when I learned of Google’s portal dedicated to educators I wanted to spread the word.
Google has consolidated several of their already-existent products on one site, the Google for Educators Portal, and provided suggestions about how each of these might be used in the classroom.
The press release for the site included these examples of teachers using Google tools:
A teacher in Virginia uses Picasa with his students to create picture collages of famous Americans. At a school in California, teachers use Google Calendar to schedule events and reserve resources such as the computer lab and projectors. One teacher in Chicago has her students practice graphing data using Google Earth, the spreadsheets in Google Docs & Spreadsheets, and earthquake data from the U.S. Geological Survey. And students across the country completing their English homework on the word processor in Google Docs & Spreadsheets will always be able to find that assignment, no matter what computer they’re working on.
Give Me A G, Give Me An O, Give Me Another O, …
Google has also introduced the Google Teacher Academy.2 By attending the Google Teacher Academy, it turns out, K-12 teachers can become – ta da - Google Certified Teachers.
The Google Teacher Academy web page explains:
The Google Teacher Academy is a pilot program designed to help K-12 educators get the most from innovative technologies. The Academy is a one-day experience at Google’s Mountain View Headquarters where participants get hands-on experience with Google products and other technologies, receive instructional resources to share with colleagues, and share innovative instructional strategies with other local educators. Upon completion, Academy participants will become Google Certified Teachers.
The first session, the Northern California Pilot, is set for Tuesday, November 7, 2006 at Google Headquarters in Mountain View, CA. Deadline for applications is October 22, 2006.
~ The Google Teacher Academy web page ~
~ Google for Educators Portal ~
Credit Due Department: I first read about Google for Educators at Search Engine Watch
Footnotes
- It is probably not coincidental that both teachers and Mac users – see Google’s Mac Pack are more frequent visitors to this site than one would expect from a random section of internet roamers. In any case, Google’s creation of new portals for teachers and for Mac users makes writing lead paragraphs for this blog an efficient affair today. There is probably a great pun to be made on the lines of “A Macintosh Apple for teacher,” but I am clearly not the one to make it. ~back~
- I’m a tad hesitant about including the Academy since the teachers I know are already overwhelmed by seminars and certifications, but it seems that this entry about Google for Educators should be as complete as possible ~back~
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Teachers & The Free Market
Teachers Pay Teachers,1 describes itself as a “marketplace … where smart educators can buy and sell original course materials.”2
This is an interesting notion that raises some provocative ideas.
Potential Problems
While I get off on the teachers-helping teachers (or do I have it reversed?) thing, I am on proudly on record as opposing teachers spending personal funds on materials school systems should be buying (see previous post, Teacher Appreciation #2: A Gift For Teacher). On the other hand, it does seem more legitimate for a teacher to buy something (for example, a lesson plan) that improves his or her professional skills and effectiveness, especially if it saves the purchasing teacher some time and effort, than for that teacher to purchase items (for example, books or art equipment) that will be used by students.
In an analogous situation, physicians routinely pay out of pocket for ongoing medical education or to learn a new surgical technique, but few write personal checks to buy bandages or medications for their patients (unless they plan to resell them). I don’t know of any docs who pop for a new MRI machine and don’t charge for its use.
Beyond my obsession with the mortal sin of teachers purchasing school materials, my concerns about the Teachers Pay Teachers concept center on the inevitability of bureaucratic hassles. From my buddies working in academic medicine, I’ve become aware of the not trivial issue of ownership of the intellectual work, scientific discoveries, inventions, and research produced by a an individual who is salaried by an academic institution, The institution’s rules and the legal statutes governing this question are complex, ambiguous, and, not infrequently, in conflict.
To the company’s credit, Teachers Pay Teachers does not avoid the issue but addresses it at length, albeit not conclusively, on the web site. Presently, prices are so low3 that a major contretemps over ownership seems improbable. Should prices increase to more significant levels, however, it seems likely that such clashes could occur. (As I think about it, I have been involved with a school district or two that seemed petty enough that they might come after a teacher over $5.)
Potential Benefits
I do think any process or mechanism that renders any profession (psychiatry springs immediately to mind) less provincial is a good thing, so to the extent that this marketplace can be viewed as a nations-wide4 exchange seems a good idea.
Most significantly, I’m enough of a free market supporter to believe that, eventually, class will tell and the best merchandise will bring the best price. A teacher who produces superior teaching plans will be paid more for that work. And, a school administrator or a school board member could do worse than using the going prices of competing Russian Revolution Units as one guide to determining the highest quality teaching practices.
Here’s An Idea
Teachers Pay Teachers and the idea behind it provide a rare opportunity for non-teaching stakeholders in education, including school boards, school administrators, teachers unions, legislators, parent organizations, and others, to directly support and make a concrete declaration of respect for teachers – without manipulating budgets, raising taxes, increasing dues, or changing classroom sizes.
This goal could be accomplished by these groups mutually and unambiguously stipulating that teachers are independent professionals as well as school employees and that, as such, they should not only have full rights to any monies earned through sales of their independent professional work, including but not limited to marketplaces such as Teachers Pay Teachers, but should be encouraged and rewarded for doing so.
Teachers would have an incentive to create and produce high quality products without costing the schools a penny (although I think schools would be foolish not to buy such products), the schools employing the teachers producing the best materials would not only benefit from using those materials5 but would also gain some prestige and bragging points for employing such stars in their faculty, teachers who bought the goods would gain the advantage of improving their lessons and would save time as well, teachers who sold these goods would make a buck and have some indication of their own value that is independent of a school’s evaluation, and the students get a better education.
That sounds like a good deal to me.
Footnotes
- I have no fiscal relationship to Teachers Pay Teachers, I know nothing of the organization beyond what I read in their web site and in a couple of news stories, I have no idea if this business is legit, a scam, the work of the Anti-Christ, or the greatest thing since sliced bread. I’m just taken with the idea of teachers selling their professional products independently of the schools that employ them. ~back~
- It seems to me that these folks are overlooking a significant market segment – the not so smart teachers – whom, one assumes could benefit most from purchasing superior material. ~back~
- An example, which I chose at random but which appears representative, is an impressive-looking unit dealing with the Russian Revolution, described as “Entire unit on the causes and course of the Russian Revolution. Packet includes 5 color flowcharts (GIF), 5 powerpoints (sic) where (sic) the flowcharts & lecture notes unfold box by box, student text and extensive teacher’s notes (MS Word). A new, more viewer-friendly flowchart is also included in each Powerpoint that hyperlinks to other flowcharts in that unit,” is offered for $5. ~back~
- Currently, Teachers Pay Teachers operates in the United States, Canada, and Australia ~back~
- In my scheme, teachers would not charge the schools employing them for the materials they developed. ~back~
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Nude! Nude! Nude! Teachers! Teachers! Teachers!
[Updated: Heck Of A Guy Blog Updates ]
The Search For Nude School Teachers
Newbie blogger that I am, I treasure each and every viewer, regardless of the route through which he or she arrived at the perpetual gala that is the Heck Of A Guy Blog. I do, however, have a special place in my heart for the cyber-pilgrim who, according to the web site statistical trackers, entered the terms, “nude” and “school teachers,” into a search engine,1 wiped the drool from his or her frothing lips, clicked on “Go,” and landed, of all places, here at http://www.heckofaguy.com/blog.
Now, I’m willing to stipulate that this specific hit was probably a fluke. It seems unlikely that HeckOfAGuy.com has garnered a reputation as, say,
Not that there would be anything wrong with that.
And, as it turns out, the Heck Of A Guy archives do contain three posts with nude references and several more featuring variations of school teachers. Sadly, at least for our meandering visitor, the set of all nude posts and the set of all school teachers posts do not intersect (see diagram).
The Heck Of A Guy Pornucopia
Nonetheless, the Heck Of A Guy Blog is no stranger to the sexually tinged aphorism, the quasi-kinky innuendo, or the double, yea even the triple, entendre. The careful reader (and you know who you are) will find, for example, the following erotica embedded in the indicated pposts:
- An oral sex pun (& Paris Hilton)
Random Observations From Vacation - Photos of frontal (& backal) nudity
Play It Again, Sam: Another Look At The Glaucoma Hymn Site - Sexual allusions in wedding toast
Mother Of The Bride Wedding Toast - S&M techniques (with illustrations)
How The Optimal Sub Avoids Suboptimal Safe Words - All manner of politically correct sexual perversity
Gay Games Rowing Approved; Moral Issues Eschewed
Crystal Lake To Permit “Whatever Floats Your Boat” Rowing Event - Irreverent (albeit angelic) T&A insinuation
Angelic T&A — Not - Beastiality!
The Pop Culture Canary Just Swooned: Pig-Kissing Principals
The Inspiration
This event does raise an interesting point. While I suspect that my desire to increase my readership doesn’t match this searcher’s lust for – well, let’s leave it at lust, I certainly do get a rush when the hits counter perks upward, and if there is a market for nude school teachers, perhaps it’s not only a marketing opportunity but my civic obligation as a citizen of the blogosphere to meet those needs.
Send me your tired,
your poor,
your huddled masses yearning to breathe heavily while gazing on naked educators
Pretty stirring, eh?
A New Direction
Perhaps the Heck Of A Guy Blog could become a sophisticatedly risqué destination for those with refined tastes of a certain sort.
I’m envisioning a target audience consisting of those who get off not only on nude school teachers but are also turned on by serial love stories, car rental advice, selections from eclectic readings, the Glaucoma Hymn, elevator hacks, the NCAA Basketball Tournament, my mother’s tchotchkes, all varieties of squid, and recipes requiring dishwashers.
Well, the Heck Of A Guy Blog has never suffered from hyperfocus. Actually, it sounds like a heck of a demographic, and, as I review that list, I have to wonder, who wouldn’t enjoy each and every one of those categories?
The Action Plan
Maybe I should start by adding a new category for Nude School Teacher posts — and finding a marketing consultant or two.
Hmmm. Does that scan?
Oh Yeah, that’s good.2
I do know a lot of school teachers (note to self: Do medical school faculty count?). Heck, I’ve seen some of ‘em nude …
Stay tuned.
Footnotes
- While the statistical analysis inexplicably lacks this data, I suspect that these words were typed using only one hand ~back~
- Come to think of it, there are precious few professions that don’t fit in that paradigm (although none so well as “school teachers”):
Nude! Nude! Nude! Nurses!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Department Store Clerks!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Police Officers!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Strippers!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Bloggers Living On Farms Who Fiddle With Locomotives!
I guess there are some that work less well:
Nude! Nude! Nude! Software Vendors!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Psychiatrists!
Nude! Nude! Nude! Any Of My Relatives! ~back~
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Teacher Appreciation #2: A Gift For Teacher
Now that my mother’s stash of Avon products has been fully depleted, I am searching for an appropriate teacher appreciation gifts. After careful consideration, I have come to realize that (1) the best gift is something the recipient needs and (2) what teachers need most is protection – from themselves.
My informal, non-scientific, undisputedly accurate observation is that teachers are vulnerable to an especially insidious addiction: purchasing educational materials for use by their students.
Worse, the teachers most likely to succumb to this depravity are those who care for the youngest of America’s school children, those least able to defend themselves against these gifts.
While this may not the greatest crisis faced by teachers, I think it is a particularly vexing problem and one that is emblematic of many other difficulties faced by that profession1
And, it’s an issue that happens to annoy me.
Consequently, as my token of my appreciation for teachers, I am initiating a campaign to promote laws prohibiting teachers from purchasing any goods or services for the their students or their schools.
Is there another group of professionals who routinely spend their own bucks to buy all their clients nonreimbursable supplies? (I’m going to go out on a limb to assume that these purchases are not part of a complex marketing ploy gone tragically askew; e.g., a teacher gives away a few books this year in hopes of increasing her class size next year?) Sure, Ol’ Doc DrHGuy may bestow a few sample pills on a patient now and again and even risk the loss of his Greedy Doctor street cred by covertly providing services [shudder] without charge, but those medications are freebies supplied by the pharmaceutical companies, allowing DrGuy to take the credit while someone else foots the bill, and pro bono services are limited to a small percentage of the practice.
My insurance agent once sent me a spiffy calendar-datebook (estimated value: $3.00) with his agency’s name emblazoned on the front in genuine imitation gold leaf. My dentist gives me toothbrushes and toothpaste that the manufacturers give him as promotions. I have some nifty t-shirts and caps with logos of companies to whom, in an astounding confluence of karmic forces, I have paid huge sums of money for goods or services. You get the idea.
Compare those sporadically occurring, strings-attached sorts of activities with the habitual behavior of teachers many of whom routinely spend hundreds of dollars annually to buy goods for the kids they teach, and, as far as I can determine, perversely refuse to take credit for doing so.
I find it embarassing and outrageous that not only is this phenomenon large enough to make it profitable to open stores catering to these teachers but it is also pervasive enough to make what is, in effect, a retail facilitation of teachers subsidizing their own schools seem not only acceptable but laudable (”Helping You Help Kids”) .
Perhaps the most pernicious aspect of this problem is that it is so epidemic and commonplace that it has become the expectation. How many new teachers have sufficient self-confidence and sang-froid to resist the peer pressure to buy that series of adventure books the first-graders love but the school won’t order if every other first grade teacher bought them? Worse, call me a cynic (go ahead, everyone else does), but it seems all too likely that these faculty contributions are quietly and casually factored into school budgets as a de facto kickback that is no less repugnant for being legal and, technically, voluntary.
Clearly, teachers cannot be trusted to voluntarily cease and desist this destructive habit. Given that teachers are so determined to help their students that they already surmount or maneuver past all manner of bureaucratic barriers, discouragements, opposition, and other hurdles parents, school systems, and various levels of government can throw in their way, one can anticipate that they will employ sneaky tactics to evade any prohibitions. 
Black markets in art supplies will no doubt form in cafeteria storerooms and street corner pushers will be offering paperbacks and dime bags of glitter.
Consequently, the law must be detailed and draconian – for the teachers’ own good. To protect the children, offenders will be required to register with all crossing guards and hallway monitors within five miles of their homes and will not be permitted to come within 100 yards of retail outlets selling items that could be used by a student.
I am recommending government-funded twelve-step detoxification programs and half-way houses for those willing to accept help, but such offers of assistance must be balanced with swift and sure punishment for the recalcitrant and the recidivistic (for teachers reading this, “punishment” is identical to “consequences”). A few 3rd and 4th grade teachers standing in corners may help convince others to forgo such crimes. For the hard core offenders, severe retribution is essential. With the recent parochial schools closings, there must be roving bands of nuns who were formerly employed as teachers and who could easily make the transition to the penal system, serving as itinerant executioners, rulers at the ready to ruthlessly pummel the hands of repeat offenders.
I suppose that we could first try treating teachers like professionals doing an important job instead of dilettantes with a need to bleed off excessive cash.
But if that doesn’t work, I say we force teachers to keep their entire salaries, whether they like it or not.
Footnotes
- For example, when did Sunday become part of the teaching workweek? Last Sunday, I received a call from a Department Director from my son’s school who was contacting a list of parents because she was concerned that she might be too busy during the ensuing week to call. The Lord’s Days is so frequently a workday for the iridescence Lawanda and her teaching team that they have developed a routine for organizing shared meals at school on those Sundays, and Mindspinner writes about teachers showing up at school on Sundays as commonplace. ~back~