The wedding of Very Very Good Girl and SportsBizPro took place as planned this weekend. There may well be more discussion of the events, but for tonight I offer one of my favorite scenes from the ceremonies as a pictorial quiz.
In this post-wedding photo of Very Very Good Girl, she is
A. Dancing with exuberance and abandon
B. Shimmying out of her gown with exuberance and abandon
C. Demonstrating the overhead, two-handed throw used to inbound the ball in soccer with exuberance but not so much abandon
D. Posing as the model for a hood ornament
E. Performing the Antler Dance, which she chose for the Bride and Groom First Dance
F. Completing the toss of the bridal bouquet, causing the assembled unmarried women, ostensibly gathered to catch the flowers, to scatter in terror as though the floral arrangement were a live hand grenade.
Footnotes
_____________________
[Read more →]
Any problem in the world can be solved by dancing.
- James Brown
I would believe only in a God that knows how to dance.
- Friedrich Nietzsche
The Bride’s Mama’s Gonna Dance; Her Dad … Well, Hope Springs Eternal
Much of today was spent in the pursuit of the perfect music mix to be played at the impending nuptials of Very Very Good Girl and SportsBizPro during the dinner and the band’s breaks. To assist in this effort, I recruited the lovely and dance-obsessed Lady Lawanda, who is not only musically talented but seems to have been in attendance at every wedding held in Illinois and its bordering states during the past decade.
As readers can discern from the photo atop this post, Lady Lawanda and I found it useful as well as refreshing to occasionally take a break to walk through a few simple dance steps in order to capture a feel for how the songs in a particular concatenation flowed from one to another.
As it turns out, the playlists feel pretty darn good.
We now have tentative playlists that should work well as long as the dinner lasts at least 3.22 hours and no more than two days and the band takes two breaks of 93 minutes each.
Dance Lessons
As is usually the case when I take on a new task, traversing the learning curve has resulted in new insights into and observations which I share with you now:
1. Witty dinner repartee is highly overrated. The chances of our civilization surviving and advancing could be greatly enhanced if post-nuptial dinners evolved into hushed affairs with each guest quietly and introspectively pondering, in the musical environment created by the playlist, the significance of the ceremonial bonding of two souls just witnessed. Conversations should be restricted to praise for the exquisite content and precisely on the nose sequence of soundtrack which echoes the conjoint psychosexual development of the bride and groom from birth through their individual resolutions of their (also individual) Oedipal/Electra conflict.
2. An exam on the music at the end of the evening wouldn’t be a bad idea - especially if the scores are posted.
3. Just because every wedding mix I’ve composed has included at least one set of spectacularly lewd lyrics, set to a sweetly melodic tune, explicating the mechanics of one or more perverse sexual acts doesn’t necessarily mean that this wedding mix will be enriched with such a specimen. On the other hand, …
4. A wedding reception dance mix with “too much MoTown?” That’s crazy talk.
Footnotes
_____________________
[Read more →]
In response to last Sunday’s post, Crisis Averted At Last Moment - Republic Saved, Very Very Good Girl had two (very very good) comments (#1 and #2), the latter of which included this request:
Would you be willing to compose some play list to use during the reception when the band is taking breaks? Your CV for this task was strong to quite strong, with your annual Hilton Head mixes that get better and better. You could even throw in a Leonard Cohen ditty or two.
I am, of course, flattered to be asked and happy to accept this responsibility - although I am simultaneously surprised to learn that this key position at the very epicenter of the wedding ceremony-reception-honeymoon experience has somehow gone unfilled until now.
My assumption of this role has also provided an opportunity to try out Mixwit, an online application that allows one to produce a virtual mix tape. As it turned out, Mixwit’s search function lacks the precision necessary for a practical means of auditioning a batch of wedding reception dance tunes. Nonetheless, I’ve set up a few appropriate songs below not only to provide viewers a bit of entertainment for a Saturday afternoon but also to show off the the display that gets my vote for coolest virtual mix tape player yet.
Footnotes
_____________________
[Read more →]
The Secret Threat Now Revealed
In a classic display of brinkmanship, the threat of a seemingly imminent catastrophic rift between the hitherto mutually adoring - and perhaps not incidentally, adorable - Very Very Good Girl (VVGG) and DrHGuy was thwarted just before the covert conflict was to surface as a post on the Heck of a Guy Blog, scandalizing the multitudes who have long viewed VVGG as an avatar of civility, grace, and refinement, a lodestar of all that is decent and, the redundancy notwithstanding, good about this otherwise burdensome mortal coil we call life.
As returning readers may recall from the Heck of a Guy post, It’s (Still) The Most Wonderful Time Of The Year, DrHGuy’s Christmas gifts were, in mid-February, en route to certain blest individuals, including Very Very Good Girl.
Now, as one would expect, Very Very, to use her familiar appellation, has historically been extraordinarily prompt in responding to gifts with Thank You notes, typically lauding the generosity of the giver as well as her appreciation of and need for a complete set of monogrammed lard rendering implements exactly like those she received.
Yet, in this instance, days, then weeks passed with no card, not even a Hallmark-published postal platitude-fest, bearing VVGG’s carefully inscribed signature. DrHGuy’s unease turned to despair when he received a note of gratitude for the same set of Christmas gifts from the father of Very Very Good Girl, the lion hearted Duke of Derm, who is, notwithstanding his metaphorically mixed leonine heart of gold and his genuine appreciation of the generosity of friends and family, notoriously dilatory in issuing written Thank You’s - with still no word from the erstwhile prodigy of politesse.
The Ultimate Penalty
Finally, DrHGuy had no choice but to begin the formal due process required to remove one or even both of the “Very’s” long ago earned by and rewarded to VVGG.
DrHGuy assuredly took no personal joy in this turn of events. To the contrary, no one has, through the years, been a more enthusiastic supporter and proponent of Very Very Good Girl. But, the integrity of the Heck of a Guy Very Very Good Girl Global Group Grading Gage & Guidelines demands it. If the populace of this inconstant world ravaged by invisible, nefarious forces cannot trust the HGVVVGGGGGGG, what would replace it as a spiritual and moral touchstone? Anomie would inevitably become universal; governments would be powerless to protect their citizens as chaos and anarchy spread, and families would be rent asunder as legal principles and social mores dissolved. Murder and mayhem would follow with the oppressive rule of fascist leaders backed by force of arms the only alternative.
No, DrHGuy’s own affection for Very Very Good Girl could not take precedence over the survival of mankind - although it turns out to be a surprisingly close call.
While “De-Verycation,” the original name for the process, was adjudged too connotative of condemnatory hopelessness and has subsequently been replaced by the linguistically neutral and politically acceptable term, “Normalization,” this step is clearly no small matter. Consider the consequences of a restaurant losing a star or two in the Michelin Guide described in Chefs fork out to keep their stars shining by Adam Sage in The Times (June 4, 2007):
When the guide demoted Le Violon d’Ingres, a Parisian restaurant, from two stars to one in 2001, its annual turnover fell by 40 per cent, according to Christian Constant, the chef. “In this job, a catastrophe can hit you very quickly,” he said. In 2003, chef Bernard Loiseau committed suicide when it was it was rumoured that his restaurant, La Côte d’Or, was going to lose its maximum three-star rating.
And that was just a couple of snail-serving eateries losing a gold star (which, by the way, DrHGuy earned by the gross in elementary school) awarded in a advertising brochure put out by a tire company.
Imagine the embarrassment Very Very Good Girl would face were she downsized to merely Very Good Girl or the horrifying shame that would follow were she stripped of both “Very’s” to become no more than a mere Good Girl. How would she handle her upcoming nuptials, walking down an aisle knowing the audience on either side would be aware of her loss of status? Some of the rowdier, self-righteous sorts in attendance would, no doubt, hurl invectives or make rude jokes about her. Would the marriage even come off if she were damaged goods?
Astute readers may now well be thinking, “Hey, isn’t Very Very Good Girl is getting married? No wonder she hasn’t sent that Thank You note. Give her a break.” DrHGuy’s response to that argument is to call ones attention to the point that the Thank-Youless gifts in question were Christmas gifts. Consequently, subjugating the completion of a Thank You card for these gifts to the planning of and preparing for her own wedding would, far from attenuating VVGG’s guilt, magnify and intensify it since she would be be, in effect, holding herself and her wedding more important than the birthday of Baby Jesus.
The Easter Miracle
There is, DrHGuy is glad to report, a happy ending. Just as the Heck of a Guy machinery was being put in motion to pronounce judgment on and penalize VVGG, the long awaited Thank You card arrived, belated but gracious as always.
DrHGuy is nothing if not forgiving and, indeed, rejoices that he can now, in good faith, dismantle the tribunal and return VVGG to her rightful place in the elite Double Very Good class.
Footnotes
_____________________
[Read more →]
